The Other Side of

H

Not edited. Grammar lapses  and all. Heck, doesn't even a have "flow" . I just let the ideas pour out. expect the randomness and don't read it.

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"Why are you still outside? Are you waiting for her, again?"

The grumpy fish becomes grumpier. Who does  this old woman think she is?  "I am waiting for no one." He says as he faces different direction. Away from her. Like he always does so they will stop talking to him, however, this grandma is persistent.

"You were always inside your home. Didn't want to be seen, even by the benevolent sun. That changed when you met her. "

He scoffs and replies in boredom ,"Yeah right." 

He doesn't understand why some fishes like poking around his life. He leaves them alone and lets them mind their own business so why can't they do the same for him?

"Why didn't you tell her how you feel?"

That question caught him off guard. Yeah, why?..

Their memories suddenly flashes back to him. How he takes care of her when he one day finds her outside his home. Injured, and no memories of who she is or where she comes from. She doesn't know her own name, hence, he calls her "The name I can't say" . He is always pissed off about everything. Always realistic. And well, there is a lot of negativity in reality. so they call him a negative fish. He knows that he should be out, chilling , enjoying his life at his age. Meet new fishes. But it is hard when a lot of them took advantage of you. You lost the courage to trust. But with her, he admits he is a little different. Her vibrant personality devoured the darkness in him. She brings colors and light. And then her memories came back. and then , she is gone.  She went home, to her home real home. 

"Because it is pointless."

"Why?"

"She is not a fish"

"So?"

"Can we stop this talk? I don't like her, okay? She is just someone I met. I don't even know her name"

"You know her name, you just can't say it."

She is right. But he doesn't like saying it because it reminds him that moment.

He sighs and looks down.

"It would not work. I didn't want to lose her." he says in a small voice.

"You lost her already."

"I did not. She is still my friend. Nothing can change that. And that is better. Way better than any other kind of relationship"

"Then why are you crying?"

He rolls his eyes in annoyance "Duh, fishes don't cry. " 

"We do."

She gets his hand and lets him feel his face. "See, just because you deny it doesn't mean it isn't there. Accept it, hun. It aches. But it's alright. You have gone through worse and you're still fine. You are so much more than what you think you can't do. Life is too short. Go out your comfort zone and be happy."

"WHy do I have to be happy? Is it even a mandatory thing on earth?"

"No ones mandating you to be happy but ... it hurts to be sad."

It hurts to be sad.. it is true. He had been hurt numerous times before. But he wonders why does sadness always feel like a first time. 

"Stop waiting for her because she will not come back. She is already happy somewhere. Your time has passed and it's gone. "

" I just wish that she hurt me so I could hate her but she did not. " He slowly swims back and goes inside his home. The silence welcomes him. It is already late. The time when he should be sleeping but can't. Sleeping scares him. The morrow does not mean new day and new beginning to him. It is a start of another unbearable day. Maybe someday, everything will be better.. or not.