My thoughts

abandonment

When I was a little girl. My father left. He didn't want a daughter, he wanted only boys. Growing up I saw him once in a blue moon. When I would see him, he mainly paid attention to only my brothers, and would give them money a lot of times. Whenever I tried talking to him he would avoid me. Every time he avoided me, I felt a piece of myself breaking off me. My father has 3 boys, and 3 girls. Out of all his kids, i'm the only one he neglected. My sisters and brothers always were able to have a conversation, or get a hug, not me. I felt pain. My mother started working and she was a only mother to 2 kids at the time, me and my older brother. My mother worked a lot, and drank, and did drugs. I know she loves me, but I always felt I was some type of burden. After all, my father didn't leave until my mom was having me. My mom didn't have to worry about another mouth to feed until she got pregnant with me. My mother looked pretty happy in a lot of her old pictures with my brother, some of the ones with me she looked happy too. But not as delighted as she did when it was only her and my brother. Growing up my mom showed more love towards my cousin, her god daughter. When I addressed it one time, she regifted a little strawberry shortcake stamp, that I already had. I felt pain in my chest, but I still took it and kept it. My grandparents mean the world to me. When we moved in with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle, I felt so happy. I loved being with my grandparents all the time. I never felt lonely when they were there, I only would chill with them.But then they moved out.. and I felt lonely again. As I got older more stuff happened along the way but those are for the other parts.