I'll Catch You || Johnnyboy

Chapter 001

Ponyboy POV

I could hear Darry calling for me as I trudged up the hill, same as I did every Friday. I ignored him, he knew where I was going, but he could never really understand. For the last year, after Johnny ... after we lost him, after hearing his last words, his last wish for me to "stay gold", I'd climbed to the top of the cliff and watched the sunset. Used to, I'd cry every time, and I'd come back a mess, leaving Soda and Darry to pick up the pieces. Now, I just had this weird hollow feeling in my chest, like something had been ripped from my heart that I could never get back.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. It's not like Johnny was in my heart, or at least that's what Darry says. I tried telling him how I felt and he just laughed and said I sounded like one of those fags on the TV everyone's talking about. Not even Soda wanted to hear it.

Finally I got to the top, just as the sun was setting. I sat down against the oak tree where me and Johnny used to go to escape our families. One time, we stayed there all night, snuggled up together, till Darry found us and about had a fit.

I smiled at the memory, not noticing the tears rolling down my jaw.

Dammit Johnny, I thought. Why'd you have to leave me...

I ran my hands through my hair, trying to calm down, my whole body was shaking. He's gone, my mind repeated over and over again, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone and he's never ever coming back.

I heard a voice screaming, just screaming, sobbing. I punched the ground, and blood trickled down my palm. "GODDAMNIT!" I screamed, thinking of all the times Johnny was here with me. I missed him. I needed him. I loved him. No, I love him, present tense. I love him and I always will. (As a best friend... of course...)

When my heart finally slowed down, I managed to catch my breath, and I angrily wiped the tears from my cheeks. Crying's useless, I told myself. Crying doesn't bring Johnny back.

The sun was gone, save for one single day illuminating the very edge of the cliff. The moon was beginning to show to the opposite horizon, stars waking up above my head. If it hadn't been for that one last, tiny bit of sunlight, I wouldn't have seen him. If I hadn't looked up at that instant, it would've been too late. A dark silhouette stood hunched over at the edge of the cliff, and even from this distance I could see them shaking. I stood there, confused, in a daze from all the crying, until my brain finally processed what was happening. He wasn't just on the edge, he was stepping.. oh God.

He was stepping over it.

"STOP!" I screamed desperately, pumping my still-numb legs. "WAIT!" I thought of Dally... I couldn't bear it. I couldn't stand losing another person like that, even a stranger. The boy seemed to panic, staring at me in shock then turning around twice as determined, spreading his arms, preparing to fall...

And then I was there, all I could think was I made it! I made it, my hands wrapped around his waist, dragging him, kicking, punching, cursing away from the edge. I froze.

I knew that scream.

"Johnny," I breathed. And only once I said it did I realize how right I was. There was his favorite jacket, his scent, his messy black hair, his slim body crumpled in my arms. I stumbled backwards, shaking my head. "Nah, nah I'm dreamin'. Man, you can't be here, you're a damn ghost or something, or I'm losing my mind, or..." my voice broke. "Dammit, Johnny..."

Only then did he turn around. I let out a choked sob when I saw his face, when I saw he was real, those big black puppy eyes I loved to get lost in. "Ponyboy," he whispered, a silent tear rolling down his cheek. "I'm sorry, Pony, I shoulda told you... I'm not dead... you're not losing your mind, man, I'm here, I'm here, it's really me. It's okay now."

I shook my head in disbelief, balling my hands into fists. "O...Okay?" I growled, voice shaking. "Okay?! YOU LEFT ME HERE ALONE, NOT A FUCKING WORD, NOT EVEN A WORD JOHNNY! YOU BROKE ME! IT IS NOT OKAY, AND IT WILL NEVER, EVER BE OKAY!" I screamed. "I NEEDED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME HERE."

He was crying now but I didn't care. I didn't care. I never wanted to see his lying face again. Two minutes ago I would've done anything to see him again. Now, I'd do anything to go back to my life before.

"Pony, wait. Please..." he sobbed. "Please, you don't understand. They woulda killed you if I didn't, them damned Socs, they was gonna kill you..."

"You should have let me die," I choked. "I'd rather be dead."

"I know you would Pony... I know... I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everything, dammit, I'm sorry..."

"Why couldn't you just let me die?!"

"I just couldn't..."

"WHY THE HELL NOT?!"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU PONYBOY. BECAUSE I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO KEEP YOU SAFE. ANYTHING! I WOULD'VE DIED IN A HEARTBEAT IF IT MEANT YOU COULD LIVE ONE GODDAMNED MINUTE LONGER. I. LOVE. YOU." I just stood there, stood there shaking, because I couldn't take it, because I hated him, because I fucking hated him, because I loved him. Then I turned around and ran down the mountain as fast as I could, not looking back, not caring if he threw himself off that damn cliff, not caring about anything anymore.

Authors Note

Heyy guys, I hope you liked that chapter! I'm going to try to post once every week or two, so make sure to vote, comment, and give me a follow if ya don't mind! Also let me know what other ships you'd like to see, or if I should post some of my works that are NOT fanfiction.

Thank you! :)