Destiny Destroyed

Chapter 8 (1985)

I sit staring at Dr. Adams. She is a patient person I have to say. I've been sitting in front of her for about fifteen minutes and haven't said a word. Finally, I talk. I need to talk. Someone must help me figure out what I'm seeing. "I see things," I tell her. "They are flashes of memories. It's fast and confusing." She waits. "I think I was seeing someone behind Seth's back," I blurt out. I'm full of shame. "That isn't who I am. I would never cheat. Would I?" Dr. Adams looks at me. "I hear a voice that isn't Seth's. I have this t-shirt that I'm oddly attached to. I heard his voice tell me to take the shirt. It's not Seth."

"Who do you think it is," Dr. Adams asks. "I don't know. If there was someone else wouldn't they have come forward by now. I mean it's been over two years. Why would they just desert me. I feel like this person really cared about me. I feel like I loved this person." The tears are flowing again. "Can you tell me about ninth grade," she asks. "It was non eventful. Things were good. Seth and I were good. Everything was good until the tenth grade." I stand and pace. I'm frustrated. "What happened in tenth grade," I ask. "You need to help me remember," I plead. Dr. Adams looks sadly at me. "Destiny obviously something happened that year. Something you don't want to face. Something to make you and Seth want to take your lives. Something that still makes you want to hurt yourself. I know you don't want to talk about the things you remember, but that is key to helping you remember."

I shake my head no. "I don't want to talk anymore. I'm done. I want to move on and live my life. I want to be with Eric." Dr. Adams smiles at me. "Tell me about Eric." I smile. A real smile. "He's wonderful. He's so sweet and caring. He's so good to me. I really like him." Dr. Adams jots down a couple things in her tablet. "I know you don't want to talk anymore. How about at our next session we talk about Eric." I nod yes and stand. I can talk about Eric. She walks me out to where my mom is waiting for me. She asks my mom to step inside for a minute. My mom is my decision maker. I'm legally an adult, but my mom got guardianship over me after my second suicide attempt. She legally makes all my decisions.

The drive home is torturous. Neither of us saying a word. I can tell she is lost in thought. Probably something Dr. Adams told her. I go to my room and take a nap once we are home. I get up for dinner and go back to bed. I'm still in a dark place. The phone rings around seven. Faith comes in to tell me Eric is on the phone. I smile as I hurry downstairs to the phone. "Hi," I say excited. "I just got home from work and can't stop thinking about you," he says. I grin. "So how was your day. Did you do anything fun," he asks. I want to be as honest as I can be with him, so I tell him about my episode. I don't tell him what set me off. I don't really know the facts about that and the last thing I want is for him to think I'm a cheater. He asks if I want him to come over. I realize I do. After a ten-minute discussion between my mom and dad which I am not a part of they agree to let Eric come over.

I brush my teeth and run a brush through my hair before he gets there. We hole up in my room with the door open. Eric is laying on my bed. I'm sitting on Faith's bed. I can't help but think how good he looks in my bed. "I like how you look in my bed," I flirt with him. "I bet I'll look even better with you next to me," he says patting the spot next to him. No need to ask me twice. I throw myself down next to him and he wraps his arms around me. I snuggle in close to hug him. He smells like he just showered. I run my hand through his hair and it still feels a little damp. I bring my lips down on his. I feel a calm come over me. "Everything feels so right when I'm with you," I tell him when our lips finally part. "You calm me." He kisses me again. I fall asleep in his arms. When I wake it's after two in the morning and he is gone.

The next morning both Eric and Ryan are waiting for me. I can't stop myself from flinging myself into Eric's arms. He laughs and hugs me tight. When we pull apart his lips crash down on mine. I have my wow moment before Ryan coughs loudly behind me. I giggle. I can't believe I giggled. Everything feels right in my world at that moment. Eric takes my hand and we walk towards the school. I notice several boys staring. I snuggle closer to Eric and he puts his arm around me. I can't help the smile that's plastered on my face.