Destiny Destroyed

Chapter 30 (1982)

APRIL 1982

March turns to April. Lucas and I spend second period together every day. We learn everything there is to know about each other. Lucas knows more about me than anyone. I fall deeper and deeper every day. I know Lucas is the one. I know we're young, but I also know this is right. We like the same television shows and enjoy the same music. We share similar views on just about every subject that comes up. We are a perfect fit. I know in my heart this relationship is forever. Lucas is my forever.

I've had many run ins with Seth over the past couple months. He hasn't hurt me lately, but he is verbally abusive. He's accused me screwing around with just about everyone. I don't always tell Lucas. I'm know one day Lucas will blow. At some point I won't be able to stop him from trying to kick the shit out of Seth. I hope by the start of the next school year things with Seth will be done. I'm hoping he will have moved on. I'm hoping then Lucas and I can finally come out into the open.

Now that spring is here, Lucas and I have a meeting spot for after school some days. Sometimes we meet on a weekend day. If I take the hill back behind my house it takes me to some old train tracks. Lucas can ride his dirt bike from his house several miles away and hit the same tracks. We meet at an old abandoned building that was used back when the trains ran. The tracks aren't in use anymore, so no one goes there. I brought a couple blankets that we keep there in an old backpack. We put them on the floor and lay there just talking and sometimes making out.

We still haven't gone all the way yet, but we have made it passed a lot of bases. I was disappointed that Lucas wasn't a virgin. He told me a couple months ago in the art room. He had been worried about how I would feel. After listening to his story, I couldn't be mad at him. It had  been awkward for him to bring it up.  He was so nervous when he started to tell me the story. "It was after my dad found out he had cancer," he started. "I was such a mess. He wasn't just my dad. He was my friend. His prognosis wasn't good. Lynne was my neighbor and best friend. We grew up together. We knew each other better than anyone else knew us. She was the first one I turned to after learning he had cancer. She cried with me. He was like a second dad to her. I needed her and she just knew. She knew exactly what I needed, and she gave it to me.

We had never crossed that line before. It just happened. We didn't even use protection. It was a bit awkward between us after, but we talked through it. She told me she had always wanted me to be her first. That no matter what happened, it would always be special to her and she couldn't ask for more than that. To remember her first time was with someone she loved and cared about. I guess at the time I thought the same thing. We did love each other. I realize now it wasn't the same way I love you. We sort of became friends with benefits after that. I made sure we used protection after that first time. We were really scared until she got her period."

He becomes quiet. Lost in thought. "I wish now I had waited. Waited for you. I loved Lynne, but not like I love you. I guess I didn't really know what real love was then." I couldn't be upset with him. I knew what he meant. I had thought I had loved Seth. Now I knew it wasn't really love. I was glad my first time wasn't with him. I wanted to be able to look back and feel the way Lynne did. I wanted to remember my first time as being with someone I loved and cared about. If I had slept with Seth, I would have regretted it. I knew I would never regret my first time being with Lucas. Even if we broke up one day, I knew I would never regret it.

My thoughts are brought back to the present when the door opens and Lucas walks in. I throw myself into his arms and kiss him. Today he brought his Walkman and we put our heads together to listen to his AC/DC cassette. I think about his favorite shirt and grin. He got it at a concert with his dad. It was his favorite shirt because it was attached to one of his favorite memories. I wait for the cassette to end before turning to face Lucas. I kiss his lips softly. He smiles at me. "My parents are going to see my grandma this Saturday. I'm not going to be feeling well. I don't want to get my gram sick. I'll be staying home alone," I grin at him as I fake a cough. He grins back. "Are you sure," he asks. "Positive," I say.