The Nanny

•21•

*two months later*

Valentina stood at the door pleading for me to get out of bed so we could go out and get my daily exercise but to be honest I just couldn't be asked.

I stayed still laying in bed looking out of the window pretending I couldn't hear her praying that she would go away.

It sounded mean and horrible but honestly the past two weeks my whole body has been in so much pain. When I stand up it feels like a weight is pushing down on me and it doesn't help that my head throbs and spins whenever I stand.

Chemotherapy had not been very kind and the doctor had already said that it wasn't helping me a lot so they would have to operate and then try radiotherapy again.

I now looked horrible. I had lost so much weight from having a small appetite and being repulsed by the smells of certain foods. My body would bruise from any little hit and I sometimes had seizures.

They happened mostly at night and with Luciano laying beside me he would usually wake up and comfort me till they passed. It was exhausting. I'm trying though I really am.

Most mornings I get up to look after the children and take them for walks. I've kept up all our little traditions and I put them to sleep every night, but today I just couldn't do it.

A cold hand on my bare arm startled me as I turned to look up at the person it belonged to.

Luciano stood over me as Valentina watched from the door. His hand went to feel my forehead and I grabbed his hand moving it away.

"I don't have a fever" I said giving him a soft smile. "What hurts?" Luciano asked picking up my legs and placing them on his lap as he took a seat on the bed. "Everything" I sighed to him receiving a nod.

"Dr Wilson called your surgery is two days from now" Luciano informed me his hands rubbing my leg in comfort. I gave him a short nod. The prospect of surgery scared me.

"MAMA" "DAD" echoed through the room as three toddlers only in diapers came running into the room. Luciano turned helping me sit up before lifting all the children onto the bed. Loai quickly scrambled to me cuddling me tight.

Out of all the children he clung to me the most now. It used to be Luna. He could sense something wasn't right and I knew he would have such a reaction to me being ill. I mean I'm not complaining I get more cuddles now.

Luna soon came crawling to me asking me to put ribbons in her hair. Loai crawled to go and play with Luciano and Xavier.

"All done angel" I said to Luna as I finished her last braid. "Look daddy look" Luna said rushing to Luciano. "Molto bello" Luciano said kissing her cheek causing her to let out loud giggles.

Luciano moved to lay his head in my lap as the children played next to him on his lap. I began to braid Luciano's hair.

To be honest I don't know what we are. We sleep in the same bed with each other, we kiss sometimes, he gives me hugs in the morning, he looks after me and we raise our kids together but we have never questioned anything about it.

Suddenly Luciano shifted his head to look up at me. "Are you scared?" Luciano asked quietly so the kids wouldn't be alerted to us. "Are you?" I switched the question wanting to hear him talk about his feelings .

"I am" Luciano finally admitted after a few moments of silence. "Why?" I waited for him to respond but was met by silence I tutted removing my hands from his hair.

"No don't I'm thinking about it." Luciano murmured reaching for my hands and putting them back on his head.

"I guess I'm scared that you'll leave the children behind. They would be heartbroken. I'm scared that you might leave me too."

Luciano shifted off of me to grab Loai before he fell off the bed placing Loai between us. "I can't lie your one of my favourite people." Luciano said underneath his breath as he worked on prying open Loai's hand that grasped his hair.

"I don't want to leave Lucy." I reminded him watching him turn his back to me as he busied himself with the children. "Lo so" Luciano snapped at me.

I stared at Luciano's back annoyed preparing to tell him to drop the attitude. "Sorry it just- i don't know- it makes me angry to think about it." Luciano said before I could talk.

"I'll get better I promise." I reminded him as I picked up Xavier for a cuddle. "You have to we need you." I laughed lightly at Luciano's statement. "Of course you need me." I sung flipping my non existent hair over my shoulder which Xavier copied. Luciano gave me a little smile.

The bed shifted as Luciano stood up picking up Loai in his arms before walking round to my side of the bed. He leaned down giving me a peck on the lips. "Me too" Loai shouted leaning to give me a wet kiss.

"He took a shit so I'm going to change his diaper you get ready for the walk" Luciano said from the doorway as he tried getting Luna and Xavier our of the room.

"Language" I called out to him as he shut the door.

Fuck. I hoped he would forget about that.