He couldn't help me.
He was the closest person to ever come to helping me, and even he couldn't.
I stopped running long enough to catch my breath. It dawned on me that I was really alone. Completely and utterly alone.
I was about to sit down and let my tears fall freely when I heard their footsteps not too far off behind me.
This was not the time to break down. I had to keep going.
If anything, I just had to keep going.
I kept running even though I was sure they stopped following me a long time ago. It was already getting really late, and the streets were pretty much deserted. But I still kept going.
I loved running. Something about it made me feel like I couldn't be stopped. Gave me a sense of freedom I'll never feel while I'm home. If I can even call it a home.
I thought about him. About how I wished he could help me, how I wish he would be able to understand. But that was asking too much, even I knew that. The fact that I knew he tried so hard, tried so hard to be all that I needed, hurt me the most. No one's ever cared that much. It was bizarre, and I never understood it, but I guess that's why I'm in love with him.
Woah, woah, woah, wait.
In love?
Like...love?
I'm incapable of that. She always told me no one would ever love me. That the unloved always become the unloving. Every night she'd come home, drunk. Sometimes with a random guy that flirted with her at some bar. But mostly she cam home with her unending anger. She was angry at me, at herself, at my dad. She was angry at the world, and targeted all of it at me. I was defenseless, she was my mother. The one who was supposed to love you the most, and be there when all else failed. But she wasn't that person for me, she made me feel like if I left this planet, the only thing that would care would be that scrawny feral dog that limped passed our apartment every morning. I was impossible to love, and it was impossible for me to love.
So then why do I feel this way about him? He was able to break past my walls I guarded so well, help me forget everything that I wanted to, make me tell him things I never told anyone.
And yet, that still wasn't enough.
