Is Stage Gay Too Good For Me?

Spencer was pissed, well okay maybe pissed wasn't the right word, he was angry, however, not so angry that he was about to lash out at anyone, he was upset, but he wasn't close to tears. The best way to describe how Spencer felt was fed up, hurt and most of all he felt left out.

It was all Brendon's fault, well maybe it wasn't but Spencer felt as if that was the case, mainly because he didn't want to admit that maybe he should have voiced his feelings sooner, however, this wasn't really a subject that was spoken about, and it wasn't normal, Spencer's request was no one that just anyone would want of their bandmate and best friend.

Spencer was jealous. He was jealous that Brendon spent so much time with Dallon now. He was jealous that Brendon was acting similarly to how he previously acted with Ryan with the tall, handsome bass player; Dallon was married for fucks sake!

Most of all, Spencer was jealous that Brendon never acted that way around him. He never did any of the gay stage antics with him, nor did he make flirtatious jokes aimed toward him, or anything that he did with Ryan or Dallon, heck he even flirted with Jon when he was in the band, and Brent. Fucking Brent! Brendon had flirted with Brent fucking Wilson more than he had with Spencer!

Was Spencer not good enough? Brendon flirted with every guy regardless of their sexual orientation; he'd even flirted with Pete right after he signed them, which was fucking ballsey since he was, after that moment, their boss. Spencer was pretty sure they had gotten together at some point, it wasn't really obvious, unlike when Pete and Ryan got together, and Pete wasn't even subtle when he asked Spencer, though Spencer declined the offer. The point was that Brendon was good at getting what he wanted, and in his late teens, he was just a bit of a slut, with a little black book containing many members of bands they'd toured with, a list that included but was not limited to: Gabe Saporta, William Beckett, Joe Trohman (they were both high at the time), Mikey Way (not that he admits to it), Adam T. Siska, many crew members that Spencer could not for the life of him remember the names off.

He had something with Ryan though, they never admitted to it, but it changed Brendon, he stopped sleeping around and it looked like they were something a lot more serious than just a fling. That, of course, made the split a lot harder for Brendon, although it didn't take him long to go back to his flirtatious self, and the only member of the male population that seemed to be safe was Spencer.

It was after the show, and Spencer was laying in his bunk, he didn't feel like partying with the others, there wasn't really a point now that he was sober and didn't really enjoy drinking that much anyway, if he went to that party all he would end up doing would be watching Brendon flirt with every guy that wasn't him, getting more and more handsy with every drink. Spencer used to be able to cope by drinking until he could forget about Brendon, forget about his feelings of jealousy, but he couldn't do that now, he couldn't let himself get into that state again, he had to stay away from pills and alcohol.

Spencer sighed, it was almost midnight, and the bus started moving at three in the morning, so that meant that Brendon was probably sucking some guys face-off by now, too drunk to care who it was, as long as it wasn't Spencer, it was never Spencer.

Did Brendon really find the thought of doing any little somewhat gay action with or aimed towards Spencer so repulsive?

Spencer took a picture of himself with his phone and examined himself. He needed to shave, his face looking a bit chubbier due to the beard that was forming but other than that he didn't think he looked that bad. His eyes were a bright blue, his hairline wasn't reseeding, thank god since not only was he twenty-eight but he was also the youngest member of the band, he didn't have any pimples, his complexion was actually pretty good and his skin tone was even. He'd lost most of his puppy fat from his younger days, none of his limbs seemed too long or short and at least he had a normal-sized forehead.