Her House, My Rules

Chapter 70

This is not right.

I kept telling myself over and over again. This is not right. I don't know what came over me but my actions were careless and selfish. I wanted to please my baby, hell yes but, Jack was fighting for dear life, in the other room. The hallucinations were filling my head up with a collection of responsibilities and regrets.

What was I doing? Was I out of my mind?

Maybe, I was. I just couldn't stop my emotions from spreading out. I wanted to feel free, feel wanted by the woman of my dreams, but I was doing it at the wrong time. It was too late for me to take care of my needs or hers. Sex wasn't important but I wanted to make love to her at that moment due to the fact that she wasn't present for a couple of days. Her skin felt warm against mine.

I took a deep breath and terminated my movements.

"Why did you stop?" She felt embarrassed as she tried to fix herself, uncomfortably. "What's wrong with you?" Her tone revealed how annoyed she was. "Why would you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry." I apologized as I tried to give her a hug. "Come here."

"No," She rejected me. "Just leave me alone."

"Hazel, please..." I hugged her from behind as I tried to calm her down. "I love you and I'll do anything for you and you know that." Tears fell down her face as she tried to wipe them away, quickly. "Baby... You're my star, I love making you feel good and that's the truth." I turned her body towards me as I kissed her forehead, gently. "Please, understand me. This is not right, Jack is fighting for his life. We have to think about him first."

"I understand." Her voice was wet with tears. "You're right."

"I promise that I'll come back to you." I tried to console her. "Don't lose hope, okay my love."

"It doesn't matter anymore." She reminded me. "As soon as you leave the human world, my memories, my body, my heart will no longer be yours. You said it yourself, I'll belong to someone else. I don't want you to lie to me. I just want you to be honest."

"I am being honest with you, babe..." I declared, ignoring the fact that it was impossible to come back to a ghost. She was going to grow old, have her own family, and probably die after a few years. On the other hand, I'm going to be young and strong. I was wrong for not telling her the whole truth but it really didn't matter.

"Someone will love you, Hawk..." She paused. "But, that person isn't me."

"What are you saying?" I asked, desperately. Confused. "Why are you being so negative?"

"I'm not." She replied, confidently. "I'm trying to save Jack's life." She caressed my face, gently as she continued. "Thank you for not giving up on me, for loving me despite all of my flaws and my insecurities."

"Hazel..." Tears fell upon my face, unexpectedly as I tried to control them but it was impossible. I just couldn't stop crying. The pain was real. I felt like I was leading myself into a deep black hole. I felt weak, unresponsive. "Please, don't say that," I begged her sweet words to stop stabbing my heart.

"I guess this is goodbye..." Her broken voice whispered in my right ear as she tried to walk away. "Goodbye, Hawk Wale."

My heart stopped.

My body was beseeching my feet to start moving but I felt numb to the point that I felt betrayed by my own mind. Please come back, Hazel. My inner voice screamed for her presence. I wanted to let her know that she was the best thing that ever happened to me, that she stole my heart the first time my eyes laid on her beautiful face.