𝑺𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑺 𝑳𝑰𝑳 𝑷𝑬𝑬𝑷

★ 𝑁𝐼𝑁𝐸𝑇𝐸𝐸𝑁 ★

☹︎𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘂𝘀☹︎

my head laid on my desk since i was already finished with my work. lunch was coming soon and i needed to speak with jax. when the bell rang i walked to the cafeteria to find where jax and the rest of the druggies in this school was.

allison called my name drawing attention from where jake and ryan was. i sluggishly walked up to her, she had a bruise on her face but i havent heard about her in a fight.

"uh hi.." i said confused on why she wants to talk to me.

"you look pretty today." she complimented, i hope she still isnt trying to get me to fuck her again cause im wayyy past that.

"thanks, uhm what happened to your cheek?" i asked.

"oh nothing was playing around with some friends and got hurt." i raised my eyebrow at her.

"what friends?" i asked crossing my arms.

"the girls, nothing to worry about." i nodded and walked to where jax was, he was surrounded by girls who was clearly tryna get in his pants.

"aye, jax, bro c'mere i gotta talk to you." i said he nodded his head and came over to dap me up.

"wassup?" he leaned up against the wall beside us.

"so the parties, i dont wanna party anymore but if you need party favors i gotchu." he raised an eyebrow grinning.

"flings started gettin to you?" he said grinning, i laughed.

"nah bro, i just get too messy at parties and i dont wanna fuck up my relationship." he nodded and fist bumped me.

"nah i respect it. dont worry youre still the g." i nodded hugging him.

"i know this is prolly weird for me to hug you but im just happy that somebody understands." he chuckled in my ear.

"dont even sweat it, venus. youre all good with me." i walked past jake and ryan grinning at them mama's favorite bitch boys. jake growled while i spent the lunch in the bathroom. next class is when my vibe switched. i was filled with panic.

𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗨𝗦🖤🌙
baby answer me for a sec

𝗣𝗘𝗘𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦💔
im here mamas wassup?

𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗨𝗦🖤🌙
idk im having a lil panic attack for no reason

𝗣𝗘𝗘𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦💔
whats wrong ?

𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗨𝗦🖤🌙
idk

"ms rivers you have an early dismissal." i nodded confused, i gathered my stuff and walked to the office. dad was signing me out with tears in his eyes.

"dad?" i called running straight to him. "whats wrong?"

"im so sorry, kiddo. im so sorry." he grabbed a hold of my hands. i was more confused and filled with fear.

"dad, what happened?" i asked, my stomach twisting in knots. my chest burned with fear.

"athena.. she's dead." i felt my chest sting, i stood still having trouble breathing. i started to sob, its not real. it isnt real.

"what happened!" i screamed through the tears. "what happened! dad.." he pulled me into a hug holding my head to his shoulder.

"im so sorry." i sobbed into his chest. i couldnt think, my chest burned with fire, my heart no longer feeling anything. he wiped my eyes picking up my stuff and guiding me to the car. my eyes were burning from crying.

"ill call gus. im gonna be here for you." dad said, i wasnt paying attention anyway. i was so focused on the fact that my sister is dead. my whole family is dead.

"i just wanna be alone." i said, i could tell he wanted to say something but didnt. he pulled up to the house, i gathered my stuff and went straight to my room. i locked the door behind me and sat in bed.

how could this be true? who let this happen? i broke down again crying into my hands. i was suppose to watch over her. i promised my mother i would. im so sorry mama. i could still feel her little body hugged around mine.

my body shook along with my hands. my heart hurt so badly. so deeply. i started rocking trying to gather myself. i just couldnt stop. i wanted to scream. i wanted to cry. i wanted to tear apart every officer. every person who kept her away from me.

my stomach burned as i rushed to the bathroom and threw up. i felt so sick. i sat on the bathroom floor wiping tears from my eyes. i stared at the tub in front of me. i put my head in my arms, i felt so dizzy.

i mustve passed out because i woke up on the bathroom floor. i sat up wiping my burning eyes to go back into my dark room. since it was dark outside. i had multiple missed calls and texts from people. mostly gus who was worried about me.

"hey, ve, come eat please." i heard brian's voice call through the door.

"i'm not hungry." i replied.

"ill put some away for you." i laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. my phone was ringing so i shut it off. i didnt wanna be bothered by anybody. id rather be alone. i went to my stash and popped a bunch of xans. i lost count but who cares. i never wanted to live.

i lost the one person i wanted to live for. everybody gets taken away from me. maybe god hates me. maybe i shouldnt be alive anyway. who would notice? im nobody special. im gonna die alone. maybe its better that way.

i laid still and let the drugs kick in. i felt like i was floating. in a room by myself. my head hurt from crying. my nose constantly running. everybody else mustve been asleep since i didnt hear them fighting. id run away but i cannot leave brian or ian behind.

theyre the closest i have to a family now. the ceiling spun as i followed it with my eyes. it sent tingles down my body. i tried to move my hands but they felt numb. the familiar feeling. the feeling i always felt. it'll be over soon.