The Thoughts of a Madman

Entry 1.

I lay here exhausted with a headache thinking, contemplating.
Do I even deserve to live?
The woman I'd give my life for hates me.
I'm repulsive.
I'm disgusting.
I'm a monster.
I don't know what to do with myself.
Do I chase my pathetic dream?
Do I finally lose this game of tug of war?
I don't know...
It's seems so easy to finally give up.
I don't matter anyways.
Who would care if I disappeared?
Not her, I bet she'd be quite happy if I was dead.
I just wish to know why, why play me so cruelly.
I wonder how many would actually show at my funeral? I know a few who will, but it's just family really, maybe my two best friends but that's it isn't it?
I'm pathetic.
May whoever reads this know that everyone is fighting their own battles and that this is my way to cope, to let it out, please be safe, your life is more cherishable than my own