Your Guardian Angel | Jenlisa

Chapter 5: promise

"I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven."

L I S A

I was walking slowly down the street as i feel the cold wind blowing through my skin.

It was already midnight. and here I was, walking to the han river to release the pain I was feeling.

I stopped and put both of my hands in my pocket. I looked at the beautiful scenery in front of me and I smiled weakly.

I know I have no right to be hurt,

But why does it hurt so much?

My eyes we're brimming with tears as I lifted my head and looked at the sky,

It hurts me so much to see them in front of me kissing.

And I knew at that moment,

that what I wanted would never happen.

My lips quiver as tears starts to fall down on my cheeks.

"I know why you don't love me the way you love him," I said in a cracked tone.

I bit my lip and sob, "cause I'm not him."

If I love her, I must fight my love for her,

But why would I even fight my love for her when she already loved someone else?

I love her,

but now, I'm already giving up.

I kneeled down on the ground and i placed both my hands on my face as I cried hardly.

"I'll give up. But i'll never stop loving you jennie-ah," I said while sobbing.

"Even though it hurts so much."

I sat down on the floor and hugged my knees.

"You'll always have me, jennie-ah." I said while sobbing.

"You'll always have me , though I know it's impossible for you to come back to me."

"Even though I know it's impossible that you'll love me someday," i said in a cracked tone.

"I'll be here," i mumble.

I hide my face on my knees and cried harder.

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I was still in the river, sitting on the sand while staring at the sky as i'm hugging my knees.

After I cried, I felt better.

Somehow, it lessened the pain I was feeling right now.

I'm getting tired of being hurt every day.

But I was never tired of loving her.

I just want to be happy, again.

Feeling my tears running down my cheeks again, I wiped them immediately and lowered my head.

"The scenery looks so beautiful, but seeing you crying makes this place looks so sad,"

A familiar voice spoke behind me.

I felt that person sit next to me, I slowly lifted my face and saw chaeyoung looking sadly at me,

"C-chaeyoung," i called her in a crack tone,

she quickly hugged me and i burried my face on her neck and sobbed, "I know you're hurting now because you love her so much," she whispered.

"Because It's too painful for you to see her in someone else's arms."

I hugged her back, "but lisa, maybe this is the right time for you to let her be happy with him, and it's time for you to be happy, again."

I know, but I honestly don't want to forget what I'm feeling about her, because she's important to me.

And I'm glad she is the one I love.

Although she doesn't love me more than a friend.

"I'm scared to forget my feelings. I love her, chaeyoung." I said while crying.

"You will never lose that love in your heart, lisa. Whatever you do,"

"Your heart only beats for her."

She pulled away from the hug and looked at me sadly, "but, we have to let people go because we can't force them to love us and the only thing we can do is to be happy for them."

"Lisa, if you truly love her, you must let her go,"

I lowered my face and nodded, "that's what I'm going to do now, chaeyoung." I say as my lips quiver.

"I've realized why we're not really for each other." I swallowed a lump before looking at her,

"Because if she ever loves me one day, I have to leave her too."

Tears keep falling on my cheeks, I look up at the sky as I cry.

"And I didn't want to leave her alone, I didn't want her to be lonely and suffer alone. So now, I will accept that she's not for me, but oppa is for her"

I sob harder, "that's why I want to do everything I promise her, chaeyoung." I said.

"For when that day comes when I leave her, I know that day she will no longer need me. And what i'm doing to her, i know he'll continue it."

I looked down and kept crying, "When all that is done, I can let her go. And I can leave her without regretting something."

"I will leave her not because I want to, but I will leave her because that would be better not just for us, but for me, also."

I close my eyes tightly and sob harder, "i'll be happy for her."

She hugged me immidiately and I wept over her shoulder, patting my back softly, "You maybe broken now, but I believe someone will come to you and fix you again, lisa."

"But now, you build yourself first. I'm proud of you lisa-yah, you're not selfish for her," she whispered.

She hugged me tightly, "the more you think of her than yourself, the more you're hurting yourself for her."

"That even your own happiness you sacrifice just for her to be happy with someone else,"

I keep crying, I promise to her. I'll truly let her go you when I know that I've made all my promises to her.

And now, I'll give up first.

no matter what it takes, I'll always be your guardian angel.

Even if saving you, sends me to heaven,

It's okay.

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reminder: if you are going to read this, you should play the songs I put in each chapter while reading.

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