A New Chapter Of My Life

Prologue

Is it true?

"Hahaha amelia nanjan na yung tren"
Sabi ni amaya nung bubungguin nya nang laruang tren yung hawak kong manika.

Experiencing life through the eyes of the child.

"Wahhhh!!!" Sabi ko nung mabubunggo na nang laruang tren ni amaya yung manika ko

Then we will able to see the magic and wonder what the world has to offer

But.........

I don't remember seeing anything magical when I was a child

"M-ma san mo po d-dadalhin si amaya?" Nagtatakang tanong ko kay mama

That was all began.

"M-ma san po tayo pupunta?"paiyak na sabi ni amaya

The pain.

"S-san mo dadalhin ang anak naten amiya" sabi ni papa na may namumuong luha sa kanyang mata.

She walk away with my twin sister without any explanation

"Mama bakit di nyo po ko sinasagot, san po tayo pupunta?"

Did I do something wrong?

"Amaya......"

My father swore that we'd be together forever

"Pa san po dadalhin ni mama si amaya?"Hindi ko na mapigilan humagulgol, nung nakita ko si papa na umiiyak.

But in the end he couldn't do anything

That was the only time I see him so powerless

He insisted that it wasn't but I can't help but to wonder

Was i a bad kid?

Was it my fault?

That they left.

"We'll be happy again"

My father told me

"Be strong"

So I started to tell my self.

That..........

everything is going to be okay.

I'm going to be okay.

But why is everyone is being so cold to me.

"Ampangit naman nyan"

"Oo nga ang pangit din ng ugali"

Why are they treating me like this

"The world doesn't deserve you"

Let's say the world doesn't deserve me.

But I deserve the world too.

What did I do wrong, to be treated like this.

"Nakita ko ulila yan sa nanay nya"

"Ay oo kinuha daw ng nanay yung kapatid"

Please just tell me why.

Hanggang sa tumuntong nako sa pagiging teen ager.

I want to make friends

"Your not belong with us"

"Di ka nababagay sa mga ganto"

But they all did was to pushed me away.

"Pfft hahaha lampa"

What went wrong?

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"

Why won't anyone tell me?

They just tell me to go away.

"Worthless"

"Trash"

"Loser"

"Boring"

That nobody wants me to be with them.

"Kill you're self"

"Pakamatay ka na wala ka namang kwenta."

Not here.

Not there.

Not anywhere

"Stay strong" I just tell to my self

As they call me terrible names.

"Bitch"

"Baboy bayan bat ambaho."

Don't let anyone weaken you by their words.

"Stay strong"

Even when they judge you

"Stay strong"

As they walk away from me.

How long can i keep this?

It's getting harder to hide the pain

It's feels like I'm suffocating.

I don't care about happiness anymore.

I just want to be okay again

"okay" is all I needed

-

*Cring*

Tahimik ako bumibili ng makakain ngayon sa grocery

"Omg really?"

"AHAHAHA that's hilarious"

"I know right"

I heard some voices near on me, pero bigla nalang silang tumigil ng makita nila ako.

sanay nako sa ganto.

"Wow."

"Didn't expect we'd see you here."

"Ohmygod just look at the way she dressed"

"Where do you even get your clothes?

"Probably the same place you go to get clothes for dogs"

"Don't you mean pigs?"

"HAHAHAHA!"

"Your right"

"........." I'm so speechless ganto naman lagi,wala akong laban sa kanila

"Don't you think she's going to break down?"

"I heard that was happen in the past"

"Such a loser"

Tumingin ako sa kanila na hindi pinapakita yung sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ayokong ipakita  na nanghihina ako sa mga panlalait nila.

Paglabas ko ng grocery umuulan.
Ewan ko ba pero lalong nadadagdagan yung sakit na nararamdam ko pag umuulan

When you can feel the pain in your chest from hearing those words that breaks you're heart.

Hindi mo na talaga mapipigilan umiyak. Wala naman makakapansin sakin dahil umuulan.

Crying is how your heart speaks,when your lips can't explain the pain you feel.

Normal na sakin yung mga sinasabi nila.

But even I'm not fine with it.

Im just keep moving forward as long as can.

Maybe one day.......

Just one day.........

I'll be okay once more.