My Journey

Chapter 3My Family

Coming from your parental home to an unknown environment along with a person you may have just got to know or may have known for several years now, what is your expectation?

Leaving the comforts or a known struggle, shelter of love or a known unkindness into the other side, do we know what is out there.

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We define a strong woman in many ways, some say, a woman who disregards self-happiness and continues to provide services to the family is a definition of a strong woman.

Others define, a strong woman is a woman, who does not care how she is treated but she keeps the family together even if she has to pretend that she is happy.

Others define, a strong woman is the lady of sacrifices, who is subdued and submissive, keeps the family united.

Others may say, hey she is one strong woman, after so many torments, beatings and abuse, she is still with her husband.

Really?...

Is there anything wrong if some define, a strong woman who says enough is enough, if you don't need me so I don't need to be in your life, and walks away quietly from the people she loves with pain and hurt.

Or may have reached a peak where her contributions have not been appreciated but taken for granted saying "we did not want it, she did it on her own free will". When she reaches an age where her body gets tired and cries out for a rest but there is no-one to share the burden. When she opens her mouth, she is judged as being reactive. Her cries become silent and is only visible to her in her bedroom between her pillows and under bathroom showers. She quietens down, and in return now wants space.

I don't know what to say to the above, but are woman born just to sacrifice and be selfless, doesn't she have a heart, a soul to be loved and cared for. Can anyone lighten the heavy burden on her shoulders?

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A silent resentment was visible from my in-laws. There was a huge drift in understanding their lifestyle in the beginning. A city girl married into a rural family. A Suva girl was seen differently and a firm judgment was opinionated among the family before giving me a chance.

Judgment was passed based on household chores, cooking or even not talking enough. I was submissive in my behaviors and not ever showed the arrogance of my lifestyle. The homely feel was missing and being a visitor was evident.

The village culture embedded male dominance; females were mediocre.

The ignorance of the silent resentment did not affect me neither my family.

In the midst of the commotion and adaptation I gave birth to my first child, Aayushi, in 1995, a beautiful daughter with a dimple on her cheeks. This was a gift from God, after immense prayers and fasting, that I conceived my first child.

The birth of the first child, is like a golden award received from heaven. This was a magic wand that created a new bonding in our relationship.

With this bonding, one forgets the past sorrows, heart melts in forgiveness and a chance to revive is given. We may call it a new bonding, new happiness but one can also call this new bonding, a compromise. Is having a child a woman's limitation to seek happiness and respect. While writing this, I inhaled deeply and released my heavy breathing slowly.

There was so much poverty, struggle, at times nothing to eat and on top of that husband's interest and laidback style, led me to believe that I now must run the show.