The Dictionary of a Hopeless Romantic Wordsmith (2020)

Chapter One

We are  all a little broken.

“How's your head?” Ethan asked while preparing two mugs for both of us.

We are currently in the kitchen area of his apartment unit. Ethan prepared some pancakes for breakfast. And now he is busy making coffee for both of us.

“We didn't drink that much, Ethan.” I said after taking a bite of the pancake Ethan made, “It's not enough to cause a hangover. By the way, these pancakes are so good. I wish I know how to cook.”

“You don't know how to cook?” I watched Ethan pour hot water from the kettle to the two mugs, “Cooking is an essential life skill, Drei. How could you have overlooked that?” he chuckled.

“I don't. I grew up with my big brother always cooking for us.” I said, “Then it just became a routine in our household. My big brother's role will be the cook. My big sister would be in charge of budgeting our expenditures. And me?”

I saw Ethan placing a yellow mug with a smiley face design in front of me. The aroma of the coffee wafted into my nostrils. I always loved the scent of coffee. Especially in mornings like this.

“You were saying?”

“Oh yeah. Me? My role in the household is to be the black sheep.” I told him, “To be one who will take all the blame when things go wrong. I guess, in a way, it helped. When things go wrong, they could always just blame Andrei.”

“Hey.” I turned to Ethan, looking so concerned at me, “You're not a scapegoat. Well, at least, not here.” he said, “Now try to at least wipe that sad face and enjoy the pancakes I made for you.”

I smiled and grabbed another pancake.

“I miss my big brother though.” I told Ethan, “He did act as my guardian. He stood up for me. He protected me. He  was the only one who believed in me.” I continued, “I'm not surprised why he chose to go to Law School. In our house, he was my voice. He was ready to fight my sister and my parents whenever he could. I think my brother would be a great lawyer. No. I know he would be a great lawyer.”

I sliced the pancake on my plate with my fork, then lifted the small piece to my mouth.

“At least you have your kuya.”

I turned to Ethan. His eyes fixated on his coffee mug. Those brown eyes of his—you can see pain in it. And not just pain, you can also see loneliness.

“I have no one.” he said, “My parents are homophobic bigots who are unaware that their own son is gay. My roommate, who is barely here, only talks to me when he needs something—usually just asks for help with his homework. Friends—they’re just my friends when it's convenient. If you think you're alone, Drei. You're not. You may not be surrounded with people but at least you have one person who believed in you.”

The pain in his eyes is more evident now. It is not only seen, but it is felt as well.

“I may have a lot of people around me, Drei. But in reality, I have no one.”

When our thoughts fail to utter a single word, our feelings will start speaking for us.

I suddenly saw myself out of my chair. I suddenly saw my arms around Ethan.

My heartbeat is racing. But I know this is what I should do. This feels like the right thing to do.

“You have me, Ethan. You have me now.”

We are all a little broken. And sometimes, those cracks are beautiful.