Could This Be It?

Chapter 1

 My phone starts going off, probably my mom asking if I'm awake, which I already am before it rang. I can't believe that I barely got any sleep last night. I feel out of it this morning as if my mind doesn't want to click to reality to save me the nervous and vexing feelings I still can't get rid of from last night. "Oh fuck", I say out loud reminding myself that today is the first day of Senior year. Hoping that it will be another normal year. I'm sure it will be since I'm a bit of an outsider.

 After slowly getting ready for the day, my mind finally clicks back in. I started feeling more and more nervous when I started to think about last night. I walk downstairs to find my mom in the kitchen already ready for the day, I grab a bowl of cereal and sat at the table while my mom is leaning against the counter slowly sipping her coffee.

 "Mom, could I stay home today? I'm not feeling up for anything right now", I ask her politely.

 "I'm sorry baby but you can't today it's the first day of school, you will feel better by spending it with Alex or even Kaitlyn", she responds. But all it does is make my chest feel like it's sinking in and my stomach twist.

 I softly node and get up to put my bowl in the sink. "Shoot I need to go now, I love you mom", I grab my car keys and walk out the house. I get in my car trying to warm it up for a few moments from the freezing weather, it takes quite a while since my car is out on the driveway at night.

 Once I get to my school's parking Lot the nervousness creeps back in. What am I going to do, what am I going to say? Wait do I even bring it up. "What the hell should I do", I shout out in my parked car. After I've taken a deep breath I get startled by a loud banging and pulling at the car door handle. I quickly look at my window to find that it's Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn my best friend, my only friend to be honest, maybe should I tell her what happened.

 While I was still thinking about telling her I got interrupted by her still pulling at my car door handle. I quickly get out of the car before she breaks the handle.

 "Aren't you excited, we're Seniors now young adults, I feel like we are unstoppable", Kaitlyn yells out. 

"You're only saying that because you finally turned eighteen last week," I smartly say back.

 "Heck yeah, you and Alex are a few months older than me and I hate it", she quickly says will she is trying to face me while walking. I should tell her since she always tells me when something is going on with her. Even she is my best friend and she could probably help me with it.

 We finally reached the girl's locker room, for our first-period class I'm happy that I got some classes with again this year. I'll just tell her once we get to our locker since there's barely anyone in our role. Once we get to our lockers I open up mine to put all my stuff in neatly while Kaitlyn is struggling to open hers up like always.

 "So. . .um something weird happened last night between me and Alex", I softly say. 

"What, what happened", turning around to face me. "Did you guys get into a fight or something", she quietly says to me for no one else can hear our business. 

"Yeah, we did you would not believe what he did. So I went to his house for a few hours to hang out and guess what he pulls out of his damn nightstand...a FUCK condom, a CONDOM!", I leaned back against the lockers rubbing my forehead.

 Hearing it out loud sounds so weird especially for me like I never thought about having sex right now. " Oh my god, he did that big news in your relationship. Well tell me the whole story girl, I want to know all of it", she says sitting on the bench between the lockers.

 "Ok, so we were in his room talking about how time has passed so fast where we are finally Seniors starting today and then he starts talking about how he and I have been dating for two years now. Then he started getting touchy like he always does, I just laugh it off because I thought he was just being playful. Then we started to make out for a bit, which I'm used to doing but then once we were laying on the bed he stopped and got up to go to his nightstand and pulled out a fricken condom. I jumped off the bed and started yelling at him saying something like "what hell Alex, why the hell do you have a fucking condom, I know damn well that I have never said I wanted to have sex". then he just said, "Come on we have been together for two years now and haven't done a single thing except make out for a little bit, I thought we could finally start doing more since we are 18 and seniors now". We just kept on yelling at each other for a few minutes, after a while, he just says to me "why don't you want to have sex with me, do you even want to have sex or anything with me ever?" but I just said I don't know to him". 

 "Damn it, Kaitlyn, what do I do, I'm so confused about what to do? I don't want to mess things up with him he's the only guy that I had a real relationship with the other ones were all like middle school relationships". I open up my locker again to check my phone to see if he texted or something. This nervousness won't go away not even the slightest, I take a breath and put my phone back in the locker.

 "Well do you even want to do that with him ever, it's not bad of you that you don't want to right now." She softly says to me. 

  I can't believe I have to think about this now, do I even want to in the future. The thought of it makes my stomach twist even more. It's not that he is unattracted or that I don't love him, I just don't see myself doing anything more with Alex.

 "No I don't, I know that's messed up to say but I don't",  telling her firmly while looking her in the eyes. "I just don't see myself doing anything like that with Alex maybe its because I'm not ready I don't know but it freaked me out." I softly add.

 The gym teacher Mrs.Anderson blew her whistle from across the locker room and shouts out "TO THE BLEACHERS NOW".Kaitlyn and I start walking out of the locker room, should I go look for him after class for I can just get the conversation over with or is it too soon? Ugh, I need to stop thinking about all this right now, I need to focus on today and make sure I pass Senior year. I can figure out how I feel about all this and the future with Alex later today.

"Hey, V did you hear me", Kaitlyn says out loud.

"Huh sorry I was just thinking" I quickly say back.

 She tilts her head down a bit and slaps her hand on her forehead, "I said can you believe we have Mrs.Anderson again this year?"

 I laugh and shake my head to Kaitlyn trying to pay attention to her. Once we got to the bleachers we decide to sit close to the top on the right for we can be away for the rest of the class. After about twenty minutes of doing nothing, I took a look at our classmates seeing them all interact and how they know all each other. I know me and Kaitlyn and the weirdos in this school or even the helpless nerds that get picked on all the time but we don't try to talk to get to know other people or have another girl to hang out with.

 "Hey Kaitlyn why don't we ever try making a new friend or talk to the other students, I mean it's always been the two of us and I thought since it is our last year of high school we should try bringing a third girl in and just enjoy Senior year."

 "Hm I don't really know why we never try, I just thought we didn't have anything in common with anyone else," she says shaking her head unsure.

 "Well do you want to try now?"

 "I guess so, doesn't hurt to try"

"Great, you more talkative than me and you know more people so we can see if one of the people you know would like to hang out to see how it goes" I excitedly say to her.  Well that's a start if that goes good than Senior year will probably be funnier. 

 A few moments later I found myself scanning the whole football field to see if Alex was here, ok I need to deal with now or I'm going to keep doing this all day. I'll go find and talk to him after class for sure to get it over with. 

 "HEAD BACK TO THE LOCKER ROOMS NOW, YOU GOT TEN MINUTES" Mrs.Anderson yelled out to the class.

 Great all ready, well here we go.