Although it seems as if every time i try to smile and be happy, someone makes me cry and feel sad or depressed. But ill keep trying to be happy. Until i cant anymore. The scary thing is... I don't know when the end is going to come. Or when someone is going to push me too far. But until then ill keep trying. I will keep trying to be happy, so no one else has to worry. Because it seems like im the only reason anyone would be sad. So i am forced to put on a fake smile and be "happy". Because if im not, then my friends aren't. They will ask me questions.
"Are you okay" "yes im fine"(actually im not at all)
"are you depressed" "i mean i guess"(i feel like i shouldn't be here)
"why?" "Oh i just have been really tired and my siblings irritate the hell out of me" (honestly, i don't know. I wish i did. I just feel like breaking down right now. Im so confused. How should i feel? Am i sick? Help me please. Please. I don't know whats wrong or why im depressed.)
I know part of my depression is what people say about me. Yes i know people talk shit about me. I know im fat. I know im not pretty. Okay. Ive been called worse than that. I know i should just ignore those people. But what if i cant help but be sad because of it? Because it hurts the most when a guy calls you a "that" In history class; or another guy, the same day says "because she ugly" as you were walking into drama class.
So what should i do? Just not listen to them? Well, I've already heard them. I cant just "ignore" them. It already is killing me right now in my heart. But like i said. No matter how many times someone brings me down. Ill keep trying to be happy. Until i cant anymore.
