I'll Catch You || Johnnyboy

Chapter 004

Song/quote: Hold On by Chord Overstreet (just listen to the song while you read, pleaseeee)

Johnny Pov

I was at my parents house. I didn't know why. It was the last place I wanted to be, but dad wasn't home and mom was passed out drunk, so there wasn't much harm to be done. It was late, the sky was completely black as I stumbled into my room. It was the only area of the house not filled with the heavy, foul stench of alcohol and cigarettes, the only place where I wasn't constantly reminded of the chaos outside the door. But I wasn't here just for the peace and quiet.

I made my way across the room to my bed, small and hard, a single stained sheet thrown carelessly across it, just how I'd left it a year ago. My parents probably hadn't even come into my room since I left. There was no crying, holding each other, apologizing to old pictures of me for not being there like you see in the movies. I was just gone, and that was that.

I closed my eyes and blinked back tears, as if I would have expected anything different. Shaking my head I crawled beneath the matress and retrieved a simple wooden box, a bit scratched up from years of overuse. A red stain that made me grimace; I knew what that was. Then I walked to the bathroom next door and locked the door. Taking a deep breath, I opened it the box, and when I saw the familiar objects inside, the corners of my lips turned up for the first time in months. It wasn't a smile of joy, it was a dark, disgusting grin that I hated myself for.

I examined the contents, the long, sleek metal that would transport me to a better world. I looked at them like a small child would look at his Halloween candy, trying to decide which would taste best. Finally, I picked up my favorite.

A long, jagged-edged blade that had been carefully cleaned and disinfected, it's previous usages invisible. Then I sat down in the corner of the room.

Doing this.. it would be breaking the promise I had made to Pony. But… "Oh Jesus.." I gasped, not feeling in control, heart thudding in my chest. I couldn't stop myself. "I'm sorry…"

I raised the knife and brought it down, my whole body relaxing at the familiar sensation.

One. Ponyboy, screaming at me, leaving me. Leaving me forever. Oh God. I could lose everything that I've ever had, but not him. Please not him.

I brought it up and stared at the blood with a sick smile.

Two. Dally. Dally, the man who died because of me. Because of me. He was like my big brother, and I was forced to watch him kill himself because of something I did.

I felt a vein beneath the white skin of my wrist bursting.

Three. My parents, who didn't give a shit that I was dead. I couldn't blame them. I was a worthless fuckup.

I gasped as the blood poured down onto my shirt. I was raising it again to make another cut, when I heard the door slam shut downstairs. "Shit shit shit,' I hissed, trying to stay quiet as the red liquid dripped slowly onto the floor. My dad was probably home… if he saw… if he saw the scars, new and old, who knew what kind of beating I'd get. "No…" I mumbled through my tears. Oh God. I was shaking now, full on sobbing as the footsteps came up the stairs and stopped outside the door… the doorknob turned, slowly, painfully slowly, and then the door… it swung open. My eyes widened in shock at the last person I expected to see.

"Ponyboy?"