Bag Lady

#ManOnFire

"Good morning, baby girl" my new fiance Christian greeted me.

"Good morning" I said with an unnoticeable attitude.

"Check this out, I gotta finish delivering these packages, go help my sister move, and then you're all mine . . . Is that cool with you?"

Yeah, whatever" I replied.

"Alright cool beans" he replied before grabbing his jacket and keys and heading out the door.

Whats up with my sudden attitude you might ask? Well last night, Christian's phone went off and he kept on turning the other way just to answer the texts. Mind you now; it's 12am, so you can only imagine how upset I was.. When I asked him about it, he pretty much lied & told me that it was mainly his homgirls calling him for that work. The money didn't bother me at all, don't get it twisted. It was the background music that made me irate. I mean, Come on now, I ain't stupid. Ain't no way in hell you would make your "homegirl's" ringtone "Just A Friend!" So obviously she "got what he need".

Anywho, later on that afternoon, Christian comes back home with what appeared to be the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face.

"Well hello, don't you look happy" I said.

"Happy to be back home with my baby" he replied before giving me a kiss, sitting his phone down on the nightstand, & heading for the shower.

While he's bathing, I decided to do a little research. I went through his phone and saw that he was texting my ex-homegirl Ashley. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in my head. First, I opened a Magnum condom pack & poured a little bit of cayenne pepper, lemon juice, & hot sauce into one of the open wrappers. Then I finished my job off by smearing a little bit of "Nair Hair Removal" on it. Lil mama's got another thing coming from me if she thinks she's about to mess with my man on the low. Somebody'll be walking away with an acidic hot thot pocket & it won't be me. Finally, I put the condom wrapper back into its proper place, set it back on the night stand, and waited for Christian to come out of the shower.

Thirty minutes later, I took my medicine and went to sleep. After that: Christian comes back into our room, grabs a condom out of the pack, puts it on his hardwood, walks into another room where Ashley is seated and makes love to her. A few minutes into their session, Ashley begins complaining about her woo-ha itching.

"Oh my God, get off of me, I'm burning!" she screams.

"OHHHH S**T!!" he screams also before pulling out and noticing how red he is down there.

After hearing all of the commotion, I began smiling devilishly in my sleep. Not only did I just ruin their night of hot passion (pun intended lmao), but I was taking medicine because I was born a man and I wasn't finished with my sex change!!