The Moment I Knew

Silence. As I lie there in his arms, my head on his chest, I feel the autumn air tickle my nose and kiss my cheeks. I hear the beating of his heart, beating in time with mine. The only sound around us is the soft whistle of the wind, the birds chirping sweetly up above and the leaves of the willow tree above, rustling slightly as they sway in time.
I close my eyes; my mind clear of all the dark thoughts surrounding me, the only thing that is important now is him. His hair, the way it falls floppily in front of his eyes, his fringe not quite reaching his slightly turned up nose. His bright green eyes, how he looks at me, making me feel like he is looking straight into my soul. The look he gives me after a fight, like a wounded puppy, making it impossible to stay mad at him for long. His blinding smile, which is too contagious, when you see it, you have to smile back and that it takes my breath away every time I see it. How I feel like I am soaring on cloud nine when he pulls me close, as if nothing in the world was out of place, as if we were the only two people on earth. With him I feel safe, with him I feel loved, and with him I feel complete. When I see him, it is though time stops, all I see is him standing there, he has captured my heart, made it his own.  All my thoughts, the ones that keep me up at night, the thoughts that destroyed me, suddenly disappear.

All the dark shadows that would wait in the corner of my head, waiting for the right moment to pounce, until I was alone, waiting until there was no escape. I had always felt trapped, as though I would forever be stuck falling deeper and deeper into the dark pit of misery, swallowing me whole, engulfing my thoughts one by one. That’s what I had always thought. That was up until he came into my life. When I saw him that first day, I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I knew there was hope in my world, my knight in shining armour, fighting away the shadows I had thought would never go away and I had been too weak. He fought them away so easily, it almost frightened me. Fighting the dragon that had kept me trapped in the tower for so long, rescuing me from myself.

I realise right then, in that moment as we lie silently under that tree, possibly for the first time, that I love him.

He moves slightly, pulling me out of my thoughts. I look up at him and he smiles down at me, his eyes shining like a small child. Laughing slightly I tilt my head and kiss his lips lightly, my hand reaching up behind his head, pulling him closer, as though I never wanted to let go. Maybe I didn’t.