Mis Istorias

Overflowing Thoughts

The sun's smiling brightly and the trees are happily enjoying the momentum. Harry and I are walking our way to the municipal park holding kwek-kwek and buko juice in boh our hands. Laughing together with the jokes that we're telling to each other. Those past memories we've got and everything that's happened to us. I glanced at him as we kept on paving our way the park. I couldn't find any words to say how much I adore him.
  As we reached the park, we sat on one of the benches in there then stared at the children running back and forth and enjoying the very last light of the sun. I smiled. Harry smiled then he looked at me with a bright eyes. It's as if he's telling me something. His stares gave me butterflies on my stomach which I barely felt in my past relationships. I wouldn't be ashamed to myself to admit that I am in love with a guy. I love him. My smile slowly fades, I looked around, everything's spinning. The children are now gone. The swings are starting to turn into dusts. Heavy breathe. Raging heartbeat. Scared face and with so much horror I glanced at him but all I saw was blank space. I see no one but me. I see nothing but sadness.
  Things are starting to fall into pieces along with the tears I have once hid. Every drop of my tear contains every feelings I am feeling right at this moment. I shook my head! I don't want to believe this! This isn't real! I took a grip of my hair and then looked around as if I am looking for something...for someone whom I am expecting to be here. I was flabbergasted, shoulders dropped and my tears did not stopped from falling. I hugged my knee. I glanced above my bed side table. I saw my mother's frame.
  My heart begun to ache as soon as I saw her face, the pain I have felt when I saw her let go of her last breathe came back. The suffering she have gone through ricocheted on me. Regret. That's what my mind is currently full of. If only I have stayed beside her. If I only knew what she was feeling when I left them.
   I remember myself leaving her, I went to the chapel with a heavy heart. I cried  my heart out. Begging for mercy, pleading for some miracle to happen but I know life does not work like that. I saw how the bacteria ruined her way of thinking. My once rational mother became a fool. But what pained me the most was the fact that she still remembered us, her children, I remembered how she reacted when she saw me. I remembered how she praised how I have grown up as a young pain. I remembered how she reminded me of taking care of my brothers. So I left. I couldn't stand the seeing her in that state. I asked Him, for forgiveness, for mercy, for miracle.
   Everything became so hurtful and harsh. I couldn't find any words to say. All I did was cry my heart out.
"W-why....?"
I uttered with so much pain that only I can hear as I looked up wandering if he's seeing me suffering from the pain that's been being doubled as I grow older and older.
"Can't I be hap-ppy? L-like th-the others? W-why do-- do I keep on crashing down?" My voice kept on cracking. I can't speak well. My breathe was tangled and restricted.
    I took a deep breathe, closed my eyes tightly and cleared my mind. I saw him. I saw Harry. Running towards me with his eyes full of fear and worries. My eyes went extremely heavy that makes my vision hazy. I breathed slowly. I was so confused why I'm hearing him shouting for help. I looked up, stared at his face. I don't know why my hand was so heavy but I have managed to lift it and caressed his cheeks. I felt his stares then a droplet fell on my face, I glanced at him only to see him crying. Those were his tears falling onto my cheeks. It pains me so I wiped his tears away and smiled at him telling him the words I'm always telling him.
" T-Te quiero much--o." I said.
"No no no no, Dave! Look at me! Look at me!"
  He pleaded while shaking. I looked at him.
"Don't close your eyes, oh-okay?  D-don't leave---"
  I smiled. I was about to utter a word when my heart suddenly ached, hindering me from breathing. I feel like someone's choking me. Restraining the very way of the air. My eyes grew big. A tear fell. The last thing I saw was my hand falling and the pills I have consumed earlier to silence the voices and the thoughts inside my head. I've heard a long beep sound that forbade me from hearing anything. My feet starts to feel cold and so as my hand. I'm awake but I can't move a bit. I am not breathing nor my heart was beating. My vision slowly became hazy then to black. From then, I've felt nothing but coldness.