Depression isn't black-and-white, or as simple as being sad. Depression is much more than that. It's being happy and laughing but still wanting to be dead. It's the many nights of crying wishing you could just be numb. It's wanting to get help but not wanting pity. Depression is being tired all the time, tired of putting on this act, tired of pretending everything is OK. It's sleeping all day and STILL feeling tired. It's wanting to just sleep so the feelings and voices and thoughts and pain would finally stop. So you can have some peace, only to wake up and be back at square one. Depression is losing yourself. It's not knowing who you are or what to believe. It's finding comfort in the monsters that keep you in your dark hole. It's feeling safe there but knowing it's the worst place to be. Depression is every fucking day. From the minute you wake up to when it's time for you lay down at night. It's a pain in the ass. It's exhausting and draining but somehow I managed to still fight. I manage to make it through most days without cutting and drinking. I've lost count of how many times I've gotten asked "How do you do it?" To be honest I have no earthly idea but I do it every single damn day, I fight.
