Pink Hoodie TXT BEOMGYU

구

MIN YUJIN

What just happened?

What do you think stupid.

Shut up.

I'm in your head. That's up to you.

I groan in annoyance and furiously continue to rinse the shampoo off my sudded hair.

My thoughts travel back to Hyeongjun. I recall how he said he doesn't hate me and laugh out loud as I grab my towel from the rack. I walk over the to the sink and wipe off the steam that has fogged up the mirror and look at my reflection. Am I seriously supposed to believe that?

Evidently, memories of my past school replay in my head and I helplessly stare at myself as I do.

"Junkie"

"I wonder how the school hasn't expelled her yet."

I close my eyes and knock on my head with my fist, trying to get the voices out. "Please be quiet," I plead, knowing full well it's no use.

🖌
082017
Writing about: January 17, 2015

"Will you go out with me?"

I stare up at the expectant eyes of the handsome boy. My eyes glance at my friend, Yerin, in front of me checking to see if I heard right. Just like every other single person in the cafeteria, her eyes are trained on me. Expecting.

I stand up and stand in front of Hyeongjun smiling awkwardly and apologetically. I run a hand through my hair nervously. "I'm sorry. I'm not interested in you like...that," I say quietly, so only he can hear. I try to ignore everyone else who is trying to catch what I say.

His smile fades so quickly into an expression I can't make out. I frown slightly, once again looking at my best friend who is watching us, unmoving and totally not helping.

"After all I've done?" he whispers in a tone that sends shivers down my spine.

I nervously look into his now dull eyes. "I-I'm sorry...I–"

He throws his head back and laughs. I nibble my lip as I feel my heart begin to pound from the stares I start to properly notice from all around.

Why is he laughing?

He look back at me, smiles like nothing weird just happened. "Okay." With that, he walks away.

After that, everything went downhill. Photos of mine were posted on the school's website with twisted captions and misleading information. All too quickly I lost all my friends, all my teachers' respect, and even my dignity despite these being false accusations. The school took it down a few hours later, but the damage had been done and it had already spread throughout the school.

Even then I was unable to speak out, clarify, or attempt to fix the situation by telling the truth because I was ashamed of it.

The school's head was kind enough to understand this but requests I leave immediately and I happily oblige.

All it took was a week. A week to completely wreck what I called my life. A week for me to lose what was left of the people that mattered, my passion, my motivation, and myself.
🖌

I drop my pencil and massage my hand and I stare at the journal entry I just wrote. I have a strong impulse to rip it off and throw it in the garbage.

I didn't even want to write it but my psychiatrist said that if I can't talk, writing might help.

I was told that 2 years ago, and the fact that I'm just doing it now...And the fact that I still remember it perfectly.