Forgive or Forget

Prolouge

"Are you sure you're ready to come home?" seryosong tanong sa'kin ni Hans. He was with me for more than eight years of staying here in Germany. There's a lot of things happened to those years. Good and bad, I can't remember anymore. Madami ang nawala, at madami ang dumating.

Eight years had passed, but it looks like yesterday. Eight years had passed, but I still can remember what happened before. It's been eight years. I'm healed, but not moved on. I can't move on. I don't want to move on.

I roamed my eyes around when I finally landed in Manila. I still can't believe it. I missed this. I missed being here. I missed the foods, places, and a lot of people here. But I miss him, more...

I'm wearing my sunglasses and hat to prevent people to know me. To know that I'm finally here.

"Ma'am, saan po tayo?" tanong sa akin ng driver ko ng sunduin ako galing sa airport. I still didn't told my friends that I'm coming home, 'cause I know they won't let me go, when they see me. I still need to do something. Something... who's very important.

I told my driver our destination. He's the one I wanted to see, first. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang pag-kabog ng dibdib ko. Para akong tumakbo ng ilang kilometro dahil sa bilis ng pag-kabog nito. I'm so nervous... at the same time, excited. I waited for this day to happen. Matagal kong inaral lahat ng kailangan kong sabihin at ipaliwanag sa kaniya.

Kung paano ako hihingi ng tawad. Kung ano ang gagawin ko para tanggapin niya ulit ako sa buhay niya.

I'm hoping. I'm hoping that there's no someone else. I know it's so impossible, because it's been years, but I'm still praying.

I'm ready now. I'm ready to do everything just to have him again. So please...

Nang makarating kami sa lugar na itinuro ko kay Mang Sid ay agad akong bumaba. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko siya hahanapin kaya nag-umpisa ako dito. Sana lang talaga ay makakuha ako ng impormasiyon kung wala man siya dito.

Nagsimula na akong kumatok sa isang hindi kalakihang bahay, ngunt hindi rin naman maliit. Abot-langit ang kaba ko ng bumukas ito. Bumungad sa akin ang isang hindi pamilyar na babae. She looks like around 20's.

"Sino po sila?" she said while scanning me. Alam kong namu-mukha-an niya na ko, kaya naman binilisan ko na ang pag-sabi sa kaniya ng pakay ko.

"I just wanna ask if Jiulian is there? Is he still... here?"

"Jiulian? Si Sir Jiulian Delavin po ba ang tinutukoy niyo?" magalang niyang sabi.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag ng malamang kilala niya ang lalaking hinahanap ko.

"Yes, is... he here?" kagat ko ang labi ko habang hinihintay ang sagot niya.

"Ah... wala na po siya dito, eh. Lumipat na po sila, matagal na po,"

Nanlumo ako ng marinig iyon. Pero hindi dapat ako pang-hinaan ng loob. Ngayon pa ba ko susuko kung kailan marami na ang pinagdaanan ko, namin? Kung kailan handa na kong gawin ang lahat para sa kaniya?

"Ah, d-do you know where he lives now?"

"Hindi po, eh. Pero alam ko kung saan siya nagta-trabaho. Siya po kasi ang tumutulong sa pamilya namin ngayon."