HOPE (Trying To Be Better)

Prologue

Being a good Christian is hard. Its not all sweet biscuits, chocolate chip cookies and milk. It takes alot of work.

A LOT.

I've been struggling a lot to be a good Christian. Yea I go to church often, I pray . When I sing worship songs I raise my hands high but that's not just it. It is more than that. Its more than doing nice things for people or giving to charity. Its about what's in your heart. Your deeds don't matter if you're doing them for the wrong purpose. If you're doing it for recognition than you've already started off wrong.

Any way, as of today, I've declared that I'm going to try to truly be a true Christian. I am going to do my best and strive to do my best and honor God.

For some years now I've been struggling with my temptantion. Sometimes I honestly feel like I'm addicted and if anyone else would accuse of that, I wont deny it. Resisting the temptation of it seems to be the hardest thing ever. I'd hear God telling me NO NO NO but my body says YES YES YES. 

Even though I know it is wrong, at the moment of time it doesnt seem to matter.

And then afterwards, I feel so awful . I feel to jump in a hole and just shrivel and then other times I take for ever to actually feel guilty which adds more guilt when reality hits. Earlier this evening I was asleep and I had a dream. God had come and I wasn't ready and I was begging! Begging for him not to send me to hell. I was in tears. I jumped up and was so thankful that he hadn't really came, but I took that as a sign. A sign that I need to change. And change NOW. Imagine, if Jesus comes and you're not ready. It would be horrible. Imagine burning forever in hell. Your  flesh being burnt off over and over again. hmmm not pretty or comfortable.

I just had to ask myself... IS THAT WHAT I WANT?

AND ITS NOT. I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN, BE WITH GOD.

Be in His glory and worship Him forever. This is why I've decided to write and reflect on my journey of trying to better myself. No one is perfect but no one said we can't strive to better ourselves.