Ambiguity
Chapter 1
Konnie
I paced around my room again, soon my feet would wear holes in the carpet and my big, fat toes would be on display. I smoothed my hair down, only to end up ruffling it up for the one thousandth time. My nerves sung and my heart raced, I should be used to this by now, I shouldn't act like this before seeing her again. Tonight was the night, the time I give up my childish fears and man up, the night that I finally tell Jema how I feel about her. Tonight I tell Jema how my heart almost escapes my chest when I see her, how my heart tells me that I should embrace her but my brain tells me that I'm too different for her to ever love me .
I stare down at my hands, are they that different from everyone else's around me? They seem to look normal albeit a little large, maybe they are just wearing a mask, a different identity to hide the one that is coiling in its depths. I wonder if that is what all my skin is like, a mask trying to hide the dark secret within. I know that what I have done, what I have seen, what I have heard cannot make me human; in fact I should be a demon by now. I walk up to the mirror and look at a familiar face that has been mocking me my entire life.
Their coal black eyes looked haunted, as if they screamed out "hello! I am a raging sociopath!” Their dark black curly hair was cropped short and looked like tendrils of darkness had escaped their soul and leaked onto his head. Even my normally comical sausage shaped nose looked menacing and unnatural. I pulled myself up to my normally towering height, at least I was wearing my mask, what’s inside is much worse. I could hear footsteps coming from the hall and the scent of my mother wafting through the halls. She knocked lightly on the door and carefully opened the door.
"Konnie, dinner is ready, come and eat with the family, it's your favourite" her voice sounded desperate, like she could see my mask slipping.
"No mum, I'm having dinner with Jess, remember? I'm going to start riding there in ten minutes." I tried to reassure her, make her believe that my mask was complete when it was clearly not.
"At least eat a bit of toast and have a bit of water before you leave." I could grant her this wish; after all it wasn't her fault that she had a failure for a son.
I left out the door with the toast swirling in my stomach and my bike helmet in my hand. I pushed the rusty gate open to the dusty area that housed my hardly used bike
"There's a first for everything" I thought bitterly to myself as I uneasily wobbled on my huge rusty pushbike. Wobbling down the street on my bike I began to think of the ways I could tell her how I felt, how I would always feel. I loved her like I loved the moon on my back, like the sunflowers love arching their backs to follow the path of the sun. I couldn't bear to live without her, even if it meant being her friend forever. I couldn't let her in, I couldn't let her see past my mask because she would see me for what I really am, the monster that lurks in my depths. She would be scared to death of the things she sees behind my mask, behind my eyes. An ice cold shiver ran down my spine as my mind replayed her perfect, dark blue eyes looking at me with accusation slowly filling up with tears as the realization struck her that what I was, what her best friend really is. I couldn't deal with that sort of pain, the sort of pain that would tear my soul out and leave me as a defenceless husk, withering on the ground. She had that sort of power over me, like the whole world would end according to me if she were to reject me, burn me or try to cut me from her life completely. Jema, the one person that my world started with, ended with and was all I wanted in between. With all this terrible things being said at the same time she made me undeniably happy. Words could not contain the pure ecstasy pulsing through my veins as I sat next to her and we talked about stupid pointless stuff. The way her nose crinkled up when we discussed anything that required too much thought; the way she sung like an angel when she thought no one was listening. I smiled like a lunatic as I pedalled harder on the bike, perhaps today I will get to hear her finely tuned voice in action.
My brain must have been elsewhere at that time, ensnared in its own Jema induced haze that I was so wrapped up in that I didn't see the old red Volkswagen driving towards me, that I couldn't hear the screeching of brakes as the car tried to stop a little too late, that I didn't know what had hit me with the force of what felt like a train on steroids. Pain; that was all I felt, pain shooting up my ribcage and singing in my brain. The sort of pain that renders your ears useless and all you can hear is radio static, the sort of pain that you are so wrapped up in you can't think straight, can't look straight and can't walk straight.
"Oh my god! Are you alright dear?' The nasal high pitched twang of the American driver broke through the static like a scream ringing in my already sore ears.
"Urgh... I... Think... I... Broke... A... Rib." My brain was reacting slower than usual as my words were slow and deliberate
"Oh dearie! Let me help you up... There we go.... Just prop yourself up on the car while I call an ambulance."
I watched as the willowy, slightly muscular blonde American pushed my bike off the middle of the road and carefully placed it beside me leaning on the haphazardly parked apple red car. She pulled out her phone dialled triple zero and began to melodramatically explain the situation to the operator. There was something automatically unsettling about her mannerisms that seemed to make my stomach turn and my brain scream out in fear. Her deep green eyes hid a sort of wisdom as if the bubbly dumb exterior was only for show and nothing more. She looked as old and as wise as the sun and yet only appeared to be only twenty. Whatever she was, I was fairly sure that she was not and nowhere near human. I watched as she ended the call with the ambulance and she began to start the next call. My brain whirled as the pieces fell into place; she was not there to help me, no not at all. I staggered towards her painfully intent on stopping the next call from even existing. She was dialling the number, I was coming closer, she was putting the phone up to her ear, I was coming closer, she started to report me, I was there. I snatched the phone from her hands and pushed her to the ground with ease.
" I'm terribly sorry to disappoint you but there has been a change of plans ghost girl, you are not taking me in to your little buddies thank you very much for calling the ambulance but I believe it is time for you to get back into your car and leave now." My voice was calm and controlled, somehow hiding the unrest within.
"Not a chance in hell you filthy mongrel dog, you still haven't paid for your crimes." The mothering guise fell like a curtain after the show was over.
“Crimes? Oh you mean those crimes.... I believe you will have to take that up with my superior, you know... I'm still a minor after all and as a result I can't be charged with those crimes until I willingly enter your ground that has your laws."
She spat on the ground before clearly stating
“One day you are going to stuff up Konstantin Mukrev and when that day comes my 'little buddies' and I will be there to tear you apart."
“Righto then! I'll put it in my diary! That would be a terrible thing to miss out on all the excitement." I waved gleefully as if I was farewelling an old friend, not someone that tried to run me down just so they could get their retribution. My wave was replied by a stream of vulgar words that seemed to insult everything from my hair to my taste in men.
"Next time tell your boss to send someone fun, like James; I haven't seen him since last week! He has way more chance because unlike you he knows the rules." A smirk played across my face as she lunged towards me, fist raised only to have her threats cut off by the blazing of sirens and the screeching of tires. Paramedics rushed towards me and pushed me into the ambulance, like a herd of worried turkeys. Among the rush of people I swung behind me and looked at the face of the girl, her expressions feigning annoyance and anger. I stuck out my red tongue and watched as her scowls grow, maybe I spoke to soon, this is fun.
