All Things Fall Apart

Chapter 1

I looked over to my best friend Lilith. She looked like an Instagram model. Her makeup was perfectly done, and she even had perfect fake freckles displayed across her nose and cheeks. Her on and off again boyfriend-ish guy were off again. I didn't pretend to understand Lilith and her boytoy. I just knew that they'd been friends with benefits for awhile now. But it was a top-secret hookup. I didn't even know his name. This time around he had decided to end things and Lilith was mad.

    So, Lilith was dragging me out to dance away out troubles and find boys to take us home. Well, to take her home. I didn't really do that stuff, but tonight, tonight it was all different. I had been dumped by my boyfriend who claimed that he wasn't even sure I cared about him. He said Lilith gave him more attention than me. I didn't understand guys, either you were too clingy or too distant. It made no sense.

    "Fuck, fucbois Rose. We don't need them," Lilith said with a wink in my direction. I nodded. I wasn't confident to go home with someone, but I would certainly dance.

    "So is this the last I'll be seeing of you?" I asked. Lilith grinned and boop-ed my nose.

    "Oh Rose, you know me so well," Lilith said as she tossed her hair over her shoulder and strutted out of the mostly empty room. Lilith and I had gotten into a bit of a fight with our current roommates so tomorrow we'd finish moving out to our new place.    

    "Let's drink and dance," Lilith said as she practically skipped out the front door. I grabbed both our ID's and placed them in my compact wallet. I slipped the wallet into the side of my bra and headed out.

    If I was being honest with myself, truly honest. I had been keeping my ex at a distance, but it wasn't to hurt him or anything. I just didn't believe that someone could actually care for me. I find it very hard to believe that anyone would care for me. I was plain and simple. I wasn't like Lilith. I didn't light up a room as soon as I walked in. I didn't have that energy or charisma. People didn't gravitate towards me. I was just present. And I find it hard to believe that anyone would want that for long. I didn't do crazy sex positions or experiment with drugs. I didn't do anything remotely fun. My idea of fun was being cuddled up in a blanket reading. That was all the fun I needed. It wasn't because I was scared to do the other things, I just didn't want to.

    But, I knew that no one wanted to be with a boring dud. So, I forced myself to join Lilith on nights like tonight. My mother had been right, who would want to be with someone like me?

>>  <<

    The music was loud, and I currently had some guy trying to rub his private parts on me. I stepped forward, trying to put space between us but he just kept moving closer.

    "Buddy, she's not interested in your tiny dick pocking her in the back like a toothpick, fuck off," Lilith yelled to the boy behind me. I heard him say something, but it was too loud to hear, and he left me alone. I smiled at my friend and she winked at me. She kept swaying to the music. Men constantly flocked to her. They wanted to dance with her and very few glanced in my direction. The guy who had been behind me had been trying to dance with Lilith for the past three songs and had given up on her and was trying his luck with me. I had always been the backup choice. It was something I was used to and it hardly bothered me now.

    "He's here!" Lilith yelled excitedly. I looked to her confused and soon a tall guy was dancing with her. I hadn't seen him before, and I briefly wondered if it was her secret guy. Except Lilith had been complaining about how they hardly ever went out together because they both needed their relationship to be a secret. The guy disappeared and soon came back with three shots. He offered me one and I quickly threw it back. Lilith did the same and then turned to face the guy. I took my hint and walked away. At this point of the night, Lilith would have all her attention on her new boytoy until she had him wrapped around her finger. That usually didn't last long. I should have known that she was going to meet up with a guy. She would disappear soon and I'd be on my own.