The Guy Behind The Screen:

The Guy Behind A Screen:

        I was 14. Still a baby yet went through a lot that no 14 year old should go through, I was depressed and very suicidal that's what I was told by lady who came in (multiple times) to evaluate us during my 6th-8th grade. I didn't really know what it meant but I was told I needed to seek help for my problems. But let me go back a couple years - at the age of 12 I had lost my best friend to suicide, it was one of the toughest things i ever experienced, and sadly I went through it alone; some of it was by choice not wanting to seek help for it because I already felt like I was a bother enough to my family and my one friend I did have. At the age of 14 I was sent a video by my only friend I had at the time. It was titled "Why Girl's Don't Have To Be Skinny" by Danny Edge. I rolled my eyes due to hearing that sentence about a million times before but it never struck me until I watched the video. He was a brunette, bright blue eyed shy and seemed very nervous guy. He was very awkward but it was actually quite adorable. It brought tears to my eyes, I couldn't believe someone as handsome as him saying the things he did in the video and he actually sounded sincere about it. One sentence changed me, he said "if you want to change the way you look that's fine, but there's nothing wrong with the way you look now. You are perfectly beautiful the way you look now". The only other time I ever cried as hard as I did hearing those words was when I found out my best friend died. Those words stuck with me. I didn't realize a guy behind a screen would change my life. After that video I clicked the channel and subscribed, I ended up binge watching his videos. I couldn't help but smile watching him talk as he messed with his hair or watching his bright blue eyes. For years I watched Danny grow into such an incredible person. He has struggled with the same things I had been, and thanks to him I know I'm not alone. He lights up my life with a simple post, a tweet, a like or a comment. Knowing that Danny has acknowledged my existence brings joy to my life. His video about how you don't have to be skinny has really helped me. Since losing my best friend I lost myself. I gave up on the world, I stopped caring about how I looked. I gained weight, I stopped letting myself be happy. And then I realized I didn't want to be this way, but it was to late. I was bullied most of my life and still am because of my looks or my weight. On September 13th 2014 Danny posted a video called "A Message To You" I remember that day somewhat only because it was two days before the anniversary of the day I lost my best friend. I remember crying really hard because I couldn't take the thought of going through another year of being without my best friend, I was laying in bed crying my heart out when my phone went off. It was a notification for youtube, something inside me told me to check it. I saw it was a video Danny posted. I remember watching the video and just crying the whole time. Because it felt like Danny knew I needed that video at the time.

I have bad anxiety, bad depression and an even worse time handling them. I shut myself down, I push people away. I know my flaws not only because they are constantly being pointed out but because I sit there and think about all of them even ones people don't see. Watching Danny become happier with himself has inspired me to do the same. I see such a huge difference between Danny five years ago and Danny now. Yeah he's still shy, awkward and probably insecure but aren't we all? I mean we are human after all, but it never seems to stop it from being who he is. And I am so proud of him, if he can do it I believe I can do it to. In the end everyone deserves happiness..and I am so glad that Danny is finally getting it. I remember watching a video called "The Truth" posted January 1st, 2016. It was a video of him crying. In the first 20 seconds I started balling my eyes out, I could feel his pain through the screen. It was hard to watch and it still is. Seeing that Danny and seeing the Danny he is right now amazes me. Yes I'm sure he still has break downs but reading his captions on his Instagram posts about being positive about himself has really been a big step for him.

{Here are some good memories; I sound like a total fan girl sorry Danny!}

January 11th, 2016:
      I remember this day because this is the day I begged my mother for a Twitter so I could specially follow Danny on it. He and one other youtuber were the two reasons I wanted twitter so badly. I had no socials but my mom let me get twitter, I was so excited and quickly made it.