Happily Ever After

Month Four

Everything is going great and although I haven't told Aliya yet, I kinda hate the fact that ourrelationship is a secret. I hate the fact that I can't hold her in my arms or randomly kiss herin front of people. I hate that I can't openly show affection because it was and still is not allowedin the hostel. Aliya has also been a bit closed of. I think she hurt herself again and doesn't knowhow to tell me. She knows I won't be mad at her, in all honesty, I don't think my fragile heart can be mad at her. I just feel as if I'm not enough for her. I shower her with love andaffection but she just distances herself from me. 

She says I shouldn't love someone like her as itwill only hurt me in the future. She's speaking in riddles and it confuses me. She says Ishouldn't love her, yet she doesn't reject or complain when I show her how much I truly love her.She's even sleeping in her bed which is weird as she is always in mine. I haven't beensleeping peacefully in a while. e bed just feels cold without her in it. I just miss her. I miss allof her. I miss her scent, I miss her warmth, I miss her smile, I miss her voice, I miss her touch,I just miss... her. 

Last night I heard her sniffle. I got out of bed to hug her curled up body and although I feltrelieved when she turned around to bury her face in my chest. I just couldn't help my heartfrom shattering when she broke down in my arms repeating the words I don't wanna be aliveanymore. I didn't even bother hushing her as I kind of understood that trying to mend herbroken heart would only cause me to bleed from the cuts. She asked me if I loved her and I saidyes without a doubt but the moment she asked me to let her go, I refused. Call me selfish but Ibet you wouldn't let your most precious possession go without having an internal battle withyourself. It might have been easy for her to ask me to unlove her but it was merely impossiblefor me to just unlove her like that. I wasn't some heartless bitch that could just switch myfeelings on and of.