IT HURTS… this pain, why won’t it stop? Is this what I get for falling in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? What do they call it? One-sided love.
Love is something you share with that special and important person.. but what if that person doesn’t love you back? What will you do? Shall you give up or shall you continue?
Shall you continue to suffer or shall you take a deep breath and leave it behind and never look back?
These choices are hard. But what if that person sooner realized that he/she loves you and wants you back even though you are already with someone else? who will you choose? The one that love you from the first time you met? Or the one you fell in love with that doesn’t love you before but wants you back again? How will you choose?
I fell in love with this someone when I was in high school. We were best buds which made our bond stronger. Which also made my heart beat every time we were together. I had always wished he would not leave me alone but one time he told me something I wish I never heard, “ I, I like Mia, but I don’t think she likes me, will you help me confess to her?” ever since I heard him say that my heart began to hurt so bad I would have fainted. But one time I wasn’t able to control my feelings. It was when we were in college and of course what I felt inside was still the same, he told me he was gonna ask her to marry him. This words made my life a living hell. I wasn’t able to control the feelings I feel inside anymore. I knelt in front of him and started crying. He asked what was wrong, so I told him.. “ from the moment I met you, I fell for you, yet you never realized, or even felt it. I had been supporting your love for 6 years, wishing you to be happy with her. Helping you to make her happy at the same time yet, you didn’t even noticed it. I did everything for you, I hid my feelings for you to make you smile, I even laughed when you told me about her just to keep it inside. Just to keep the feelings of hurt and loss in my heart and never let it out. But hearing you say this, I just can’t, I just can’t do it anymore. My cup has over flowed already, I can’t take any of it. I just can’t. I have to go..” after telling him the truth I ran, so far.. and ever since that day, I never saw him.
I had moved on, I had a good life, a good work, a good family supporting me, and I had new love. We met when I was looking for some things I need for my new work such as portfolios and all, it was at a school supply shop. We met when our hands touched each other when we chose the same colored folder. I didn’t mind it at first but I noticed he was looking at me. That’s the first time I met someone like him. He changed my life, he made me realize that I can have a happy ending. That I don’t need to suffer anymore, that I can love someone besides that person. He made me feel new, and I knew that he loved me so much.
This made me a strong person. We were together for a long time and because of that, came a time, when every girls wish comes true. He said, “Mari, I always loved you, ever since I first saw you at the school supply store I fell in love at first sight. I am happy that you accepted me for who I am, and I am so happy to be together with you. So please, (kneels down) will you, will you marry me?” when I heard those words, tears fell down from my eyes. These tears are not because of pain but because of happiness. These are tears of joy. So I said YES. Anthony and I are getting married on January 8, 2014. I am happy to have a fiancée like him. But it all changed when something I never thought of happening came back. I was walking at 4th street when I saw him again, Robi. The best friend that I fell in love with. I was so surprised seeing him, we bumped into each other. I didn’t even realize it was him, it’s because he changed a lot. His hair, his clothing, the way he speaks, everything changed. I realized it was him when he said my name. “Claire,” I was so shocked knowing it was him. I can’t face him anymore, every memory I had with him all came back. The sadness, the happiness, all those times. It all came back to me. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, I just don’t. I tried to smile back, to not make it awkward. “hi, how have you been? Robi?” I tried my best to say those words, remembering all the things he did to me. “I’ve been fine. I work at the bakeshop just across the street. How about you? What have you been doing these days?” asking me how I am, I don’t know what to say, “well, business have been good, “ he touched my hand, which made me feel surprised and said, “hey, about that time, I….” about that time? Does he mean, the time I shouted at him? “well, let’s not talk about it, I have been okay after that , I have no bad feelings against you anymore. Don’t worry. I had been fine after that incident, actually I’m getting married.” I finally said it. After saying those words he looked a little sad, and surprised . “oh, well I, actually… never mind. So um… who’s the lucky guy?” “he’s names Anthony, he works as an architect. We’ve been going out for 3 years now. We finally decided to get married..” he suddenly hugs me, and said “don’t say those things I can’t listen to them, it hurts Claire. I’m sorry, the truth is.. I like you. Actually I love you. The day you said those things, I realized it, I realized I love you more. I realized it when you left me behind. So please Claire. Don’t . I love you. I want to be with you. So please. Don’t get married.” after hearing those words. I was so surprised. Tears fell down from my eyes. I don’t know what to do. What to say. I just. “I don’t love you anymore Robi, I already love Anthony, I loved you too.. but that was before, I don’t love you anymore. You had your chance before but you didn’t take it so please let go of me. I don’t want you anymore. I already love Anthony. Leave me alone.” He’s hands left my body. I can feel he was crying. I didn’t face him cause I was crying too. I mean, why say all this now? Why not look for me? he had his chance but he spoiled it. But why do I feel hurt inside too? Why won’t I stop crying? Why? After that I just left him there. I didn’t want to see him. I ran. My phone rang, it was Anthony. We were supposed to be on a meeting with the wedding coordinator at that time. So I went there as fast as I could. I arrived at the meeting place, I saw Anthony, looking so worried waiting outside “ hey, I’m sorry I’m late. Bumped into a friend.” He suddenly rushed to me and said, ”you sure? I was so worried! You should’ve called you know..hey, are you okay? Your eyes are a little sore you know.” He noticed. “I’m fine, Anthony.. It’s nothing” “you sure?” “yep!.. no problem..” I can’t possibly tell him I bumped into my best friend whom I’ve loved ever since we were little. So I kept it all a secret. As we entered the meeting place I saw a girl by the window. I believe she was the coordinator. And I was right. We sat there with her, she said her partners not there yet, so we have to wait for him. After a few minutes, someone came in. I froze up seeing who it was, it was him. Robi, he was the caterer for our wedding. I was shivering… I can’t stop my hands. I held Anthony’s hand to control it. But he noticed, “hey, you okay Hon? You feeling unwell..?” ican’t possibly tell him. Robi just stood there, looking at me. I didn’t want to see his eyes. “i feel a little unwell, maybe I should go home, I really don’t feel so good.” “okay, let’s go home.” “no, you stay here, finish the meeting I can go home by myself.” “no, I’m coming with you.. (looks at the coordinator) can we cancel the meeting for now.. she doesn’t feel so good.” Then the coordinator agreed. Seeing him there, why did it hurt so bad?
