A one fleeting encounter

Track 7 - Rainbow

Monday, 1:55 a.m.

Dear no one,

I hate it when people demand respect for their inexcusably horrible acts just because of their age or titles or that they simply belong in the upper side of the social hierarchy (by which was also established by the likes them). Worse is when we no longer have the voice to police them, because we think so low of ourselves; because we're so used of not having a chance to stand  up against their manipulative behaviors. But, what is more infuriating, is the people who foster their doings; those who stay silent in their own bubbles simply because they're unaffected and indifferent to hear the pleas of others. Their skins, in its most gruesome exterior, have the thickest guts to side with the oppressors by vowing for a complete silence despite the malevolence. Galit ako sakanila, sobra pa sa sobra.

If I could repeat what I had done from that moment, I would in a heartbeat. Without thinking twice and without any hesitations. Do I deserve the consequence for my ill mannered self? No. What I did simply befits them. To be honest, it must be more than that. They deserve an exquisitely designed vengeance. A hellish parade for the devil incarnates. You can now probably tell at this moment, through the anger-driven writing, I'm in my most non-negotiable position. I'm seething with anger for all the injustices that there is.

To give some context, it was another mundane morning in a university—me seated in my own space, unmindful to everything while devouring yet another novel. Sanay ako sa ganito; people not realizing my existence unless I create another chaos, or if my wardrobe is provocative enough for them to read it as an invitation to peek into. Mga manyak at chismosa, sila lang naman ang nakakaramdam ng paghinga ko. Sa mga pagkakataong ganito, I hardly care. Wala, wala talagang maasahan saakin ang kahit na sino para manlang tignan kung humihinga pa sila. They don't care, so why should I? Not unless they do something na makakapag paalis ng focus ko sa ginagawa ko. And at that awful instance, I felt invaded when one of them carelessly, within my earshot, badmouthed aly— the only breathing person I cared for. The nerve of these imbeciles.

"Bakit ba siya nag-audition? It's not as if we don't know kung ano lang naman yung gusto niya from the team. Hindi ko siya papakisamahan just because she's now one of us." The girl who must not be named was in a mid-conversation with a guy in front of her. I get the gist of whom they're referring to, but I need to have another confirmation.

Nakita nung guy na gumalaw ako mula sa kinaroroonan ko. I redirected my eyes to the books; trying to appear like I don't have any idea of what they're talking about, "what if you try to confront her? Passion mo yung nakataya, saka, para narin magkaroon siya ng initiative na umalis nalang. Make her realize na hindi niyo gusto yung presence niya."

"Or... pwede rin in a subtle way. What if... we try to make it seems uneasy for her to handle. Para hindi kami ang magmukang evil stepmother sa isang Cinderella story. Ang pangit naman kasi, in this age of ours, sobrang nakaka-immature, bes." She just made a face of someone who inhibits abomination.

"If I were you," he said while eyeing me contemptuously, so I glared at him in response while he keeps on talking, "papamuka ko na agad na wala siyang lugar. Bakit ko pa papahirapan yung sarili ko na mag-adjust para sakanya." He then lifted his middle finger and tried to gesture their all time favorite insult, a fuck you. So I responded right away with another 'fuck you' finger.

Nawindang yung babae sa batuhan namin ng mura through our middle fingers, so she just advised na wag nalang akong pansinin. Of course, 'don't just mind her' is the greatest scam. They just don't know how to successfully dismiss me without making a fuss about it. And I thought, well, appropriate naman yung timing nila kasi kanina pa ako nangangati pumatol.

Nilapag ko nang padabog yung libro at saka tumayo ng marahan. That's it, sige lang. I like that you're now bothered by my presence. Kung hindi niyo kayang respetuhin yung kaibigan ko kahit manlang sa harapan ko, then I'll give what you're craving for: an equal fight, "Sabihin niyo sa muka ko, directly, kung anong sinasabi niyo kay aly kanina." I said in a manner that screams no trails of fear.