Her Silence

Chapter Thirty Six

"All things deteriorate in time." Virgil

"It's a suicide note, isn't it?" I have to speak it into the world to confirm it to myself. I know the answer.

"Yes." James answers quietly. He moves closer to me, the cushions of the sofa shifting with his weight. "Rosie?" I look at him, knowing he wants me to say something.

"I have nothing to say James." He nods and stands up.

"Well you know where I am if you want to scream, shout, or cry. Or to just talk. Coffee?" I shake my head; I couldn't possibly stomach anything right now. James walks into the kitchen, leaving me with the printed copy of Jacob's letter. I place it facing down on the coffee table and close my eyes. There is only one person I want to talk to right now, so I get their name up on my phone and ask them to meet me outside of the bookshop in a half an hour. I get an immediate response. With no time to waste I get up and pop my head into the kitchen to gain James's attention.

"I'm just going for a walk. I won't be long; I'll ring you if anything happens." He cocks his head and raises an eyebrow."I promise I will. I just need to clear my head. By myself." I head to the hallway, put on my coat, and leave. I can't have James asking any questions because I know he wouldn't let me go. Honestly, I don't know why I'm doing this, but it seems the right thing to do. The rain is drizzling down as normal and the streetlamps drearily light up the paths. The evenings aren't getting any lighter any earlier and it makes this whole situation seem sketchier than it is. I hurriedly walk down the lanes and through the short cuts that I know lead to the road of Tidy and the bookshop, bracing myself to see all that is left of the bar, maybe an odd chair or table... Not that I care: I've sworn to never set foot in that place again. I'm not surprised by Jacob's letter; when James initially broke it to me that he had been in contact with his team I just about lost my breath. I was assuming the worst, but I didn't even know what the worst was, so to read that he was actually related to me was both a punch in the stomach as well as an odd anti-climax. James probably thinks I've lost it, and I'll explain everything to him when I return home, but for now I need to find some answers out myself. As I turn the corner of the damned road, I see a figure dressed in black hunching over the curb, vomiting. I rush over to them, patting them on the back to both comfort them and make them look at me in order to communicate with them. With it being no good, I begin to shake the persons shoulders to which I hear a low groan, their body vibrating beneath my hand, frustrating me that they won't stand straight in order for me to help them. I step in front of them and this time push their shoulders up and I am taken aback by the gaunt, hollow face staring emptily back at me. They groan again, and I whimper in return.

"Amy?" I ask in disbelief. She nods slowly, as though every slight movement pained her. With time begin against me until James gets suspicious, I hook my arm through Amy's and drag her into the bookshop, heaving in relief when I find an empty table and chair to sit her down at. I pull up a spare chair, and sit down myself, beyond disbelief at what's happening right now. I feel Amy's eyes on me, and as I steal a glance, rather than looking away she shuts her eyes, evidently anxious at my presence. I reach over and poke her arm, to which she flinches, but reopens her eyes. "Amy you need to look at me from now on. You know how this works." She smiles sadly and goes to talk, croaking as she strains to get out the first word.

"I'm glad," she begins, inhaling deeply, "I'm glad you're still here." I raise an eyebrow.

"As am I." She grimaces. As she reaches for my hand, I notice deep gashes circling her wrists. Her hand is cold, frail. Much like Joan's were. She physically looks years older than she did three weeks ago. "What happened Amy? Not at the bar, I know enough about that and don't want to hear any more about it. What happened before, and what's happened after?"

"So much," she whispers. "So much I am sorry for-"

"I'm not here for an apology. I'm here to listen and understand you, and once that's been done I'll then consider whether I want an apology or not." She sniffs and looks up at the ceiling, and then gazes around at the books lining the walls.

"So many words around me, and yet nothing to say." With that I slam my hand on the table, earning a few glares from the few customers left in the bookshop. I stand up.

"I am not going to sit through your riddles. Your bullshit. You don't get to play the fucked-up sympathy card when you nearly killed me." If I had a voice I would for sure be hissing.

"No!" She squeals. "No! Rosie, stay. Sit. Sit and stay, I'll tell you everything once I feel better and once this is all over, but for now just know how deeply sorry I am." I run my hands through my hair in frustration. She's grown annoyingly testing, yet as ever she is naïve, though she lacks the innocence that once seeped out of her. "Once this is all over," she repeats, "I promise."

"Once what is all over? Everything has been over since you tried to burn me alive. What else could have possibly come from that?" A bell rings as the door opens and Amy looks around nervously. She leans over the table and begins to whisper.

"Once your Mother is over. Jacob may be, but he is irrelevant in comparison to her. Do you understand? Once your Mother has been caught, I can tell you everything." I shake my head.

"Amy, she is going to be caught any day now. Jacob has told us where she's hiding. Have you been with her?" She swallows and winces.

"Yes." I shut my eyes and nod. "But not willingly. She said she'd ruin me if I went off alone, believing I'd tell you everything... which obviously I would, because here I am." My Mother has been holding her captive I'm sure - she's been treating her how she'd love to treat me. I sneak a glance at Amy's wrists again and my stomach tightens. She has most certainly been tied up to something. I want to ask her how she managed to meet me, but I don't want to push my luck and as I check my watch I decide that this is enough for one day.

"Listen Amy, I've got to get going now. I'll meet you here again in three days, and I'll be bringing James with me." She shakes her head in fright, silently begging that I don't. "Yes Amy, I have to. It's no good imploring in me when I can't do anything. I can assure you that James only wants justice, and this is not your fault." I stand up and secure my coat. "Goodbye. I'll see you soon."

"Rosie." I look at her once more. "I am sorry." I smile.

"I know." I leave the bookshop and head home, walking as quickly as I can to reach James before he sends out a search party, and to get away from Amy. My head is spinning from what she said - or rather, what she didn't say, but implied. It's all she does: imply. I know James is going to be furious with me, but I'm telling him everything the moment I step through the door: my thoughts, my suspicions, and what I want to happen with my Mother and Amy.

*****

I hope you have all been keeping safe, social distancing, and remain in good health. Reading is a great way to escape from reality, so be sure to keep yourself busy with it!

Carry on reading to read James's reaction, Rosie's plan, and everything else that follows.

If you were Rosie, would you be willing to listen to Amy and potentially forgive her?

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