Suddenly, being alone seems like the best idea.
After the whole fiasco in the library with Aris, I spent the rest of my free period in the nearby park-the same park where I met with Ethan to return his phone.
I sat on one of the swing and just watched the empty park in front of me.
Empty.
Just like the life I used to have before the novella I'm supposed to write, before the bus ride that led me to wonderful nights with Ethan, before the confrontation I had with Aris.
My life was empty.
And I used to like it that way. But then, like the emptiness exploding into the very first big bang, the universe had started to expand.
The universe started with a great big bang.
The emptiness that I felt my whole life had already exploded into its own big bang. And now my universe is slowly expanding.
Kaboom!
There goes the empty life I used to have. I am now faced with the ever expanding stories of my universe.
I am faced with an unwritten story about navigating through the intricate passageways of a young boy's life. To discover the mysteries of life itself. To uncover the secrets of the universe.
I am faced with a boy, with eyes that saw all the beautiful places in the world, who made me feel like I was the center of his universe. A boy who embodied the beauty and mystery of the world. A boy whose smile lights up like the city lights I admire so much at night. A boy whose laugh sounds like a musical symphony you wanted to hear everyday.
I am faced with another boy, holding me by the neck, asserting his dominance over mine. A boy who is best described to be trouble.
Sonder. Ethan. Aris.
A word that meant both everything and nothing at the same time. A boy who is broken and whole at the same time. And another boy who is calm and chaotic at the same time.
Kaboom!
My universe is now expanding into unfamiliar territories-into places I have never been before.
From my own little space inside my little head to the huge labyrinth of this everyday city. My story is now expanding outwards. At a pace I cannot control.
The big bang wasn't really an explosion in space. It was just an expansion of an already existing space.
I was alone. That was my space. Then Mr. Lopez introduced me to sonder. Then sonder introduced me to Ethan. Then Ethan introduced me to realizations that we need people to complete each other. I complete him. He completes me. And that realization expands outwards to emotions unknown to who I was before I met Ethan-friendship, love, and choices. Then Aris comes into the equation, like a meteor crashing into my life, unknown of the harm it will cause on collision.
It was not kaboom!
It was just me questioning where my life is now heading.
Why did Mr. Lopez choose the word sonder? Why did he want me to feel, think, and be?
Why did Ethan ask me to dinner that night I returned his phone? Why did we run laughing in the empty streets? Why did he embrace me during that carousel ride? Why did he tell me the story of his parents? Why did he let me see the black hole living inside of him?
Why did Aris come to me for help in writing his novella? Why did he confront me about Mr. Lopez changing my word? Why did he record it on his phone? Why is he using that situation against me?
Too many questions. Too little answers.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
Bzzt. Bzzt.
The universe I built upon myself is now expanding into things I don't understand-into questions that I could not answer.
I took my phone out of my pocket.
Ethan sent me a picture of the sunset from the window of a bus. The orange sky perfectly complementing the tall buildings of the city.
TheGreatEthanJames: Sunsets with Drei, day three.
The biggest mystery of them all lies not with sonder, not with Ethan, and not with Aris.
I felt a sensation in my chest. This is love, right?
I felt the butterflies rushing in my stomach. This is love, too, right?
I felt an uneasy feeling inside of me that wants to badly get out. And that feeling is love, right?
But with me.
Love is one of the universe's biggest mystery.
Am I falling in love with Ethan James?
I liked the idea. I hated it, too.
Suddenly, being alone seems like the best thing that ever happened to me.
YOU ARE READING
The Dictionary of a Hopeless Romantic Wordsmith (2020)
Romansa"There are certain emotions that cannot be described with words. I wish to fill that void." With a novella due in a month and writer's block haunting his very own existence, Andrei must navigate through the labyrinths of the city in search of words...
