When I was a kid I went through a deep depression, this was because I was unable to talk to people I didn't know without crying and shaking. I was a severe antisocial. As I grew braver, I grew stronger, I started making friends. My Dad worked for the military, he was gone for months at a time, gone more often than not, leaving my mom alone. So my parents divorced when I was young. Nothing special. I remember the tears from my mom on the plane that night, as we flew back to America to live with my grandparents. My depression got worse, and that hurt my mother. She grew tired of missing her Ex-husband so she found another. His words would hurt me, his hands would too, and through my pain, and in struggle. I grew...Nothing special. I learned to fight back. One day my mom was at work, she came home to my black eye. He said I got in a fight in school, and said he'd make them pay, but my mom saw the charade, she saw his mistake, because the day I got that black eye, was a saturday. The next time he tried to hit me, I did what my mom said. I grabbed his arm, and hit his head. He wouldn't hit me anymore, but there was always a threat. Then one day, there was a bet. It was at school, amongst the kids in class. A kid tried to make me cry, he yelled to me about my moms ass. No cause for alarm, no cause for dismay, but for a punk little bully, I made him pay. I sat in the office, A smile on my face. Because that day, I had found my place. Nothing special. That year. I got into drama. I learned to act and it became my passion. It became who I was. I got to be someone special. I got to be someone amazing. Year after year I went into acting. Play after play. I rehearsed night after night, day after day. This was my life, and it was what I loved. I wasn't popular or cool. But for me it was enough. I had my acting, and I had my mom. As far as I was concerned the rest was already gone...So when my stepdad came in my room, tears in his cheeks. His knees weak, He sat on the edge of my bed. Telling me thru broken cries..That my mom was dead... So that morning I had nothing. All depression returned. Everything I'd worked for, everything I'd earned. All of it gone, worthless at best. The slits on my wrists. The tears on my chest.
I did have one thing. That I had all the while. I pushed up my cheeks. And I faked a smile. I faked being fine. At the loss of my sanity. And so I found it. A simply place for my sanity to nestle...Because when you break me down, to find what makes me tick, you'll find me as...Nothing Special.
