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One "Her"

To fall in love at age 13, some people describe it as puppy love. Some may call it, first love. Some label it as foolish love. But I prefer calling it a mere embarrassing memory from a teenager’s life.  Romeo and Juliet fell in love at age 13. Amazingly, they both died! A tragic love story, huh? So, yeah, I think being in love in an early age is a disaster- the fault in our hormones! And so, this is how I rationalize things for almost a decade, until... last August 18, 2014. 

But before I enlighten to you the present circumstance, let me walk you through the past. This story may seem nonsense, boring, cheap, or surreal. These are pure pieces of memories from my past. This is not as exciting as other made-up or ideal stories, but one thing’s for sure: this is OUR real story.

It was some time in summer of 2005. (I can't recall the exact date. Maybe I should investigate on this some other time when I can finally visit my old school.) It was the day when the result of our high school entrance exam was released. Hundreds of students who took the exam were crowding over the wall of the gymnasium. On the walls were posted list of the freshmen passers. It was a fiasco! Students were like scoundrels rummaging over papers to see whether their intellectual capacity passed the standard of this national high school. And I was no better than them.

More than a thousand took the exam and we don’t even know where to start looking for our names. I was with my childhood best friend that morning. Let me call her: Pauie, not her real name or maybe it is! (Kidding) I was not able to get near those posted papers but my friend shouted “Kath, you passed! You are rank #29.” Phew!, a sigh of relief.

“Really?”, I shouted back with a tone of glee. "How about you? What rank are you?" I haven't found it yet!" Pauie paused, while sorting through the papers." Yep! Found it! I'm like somewhere in the 300++"

"So we both passed", I announced. She came to me, started hugging me, and we rejoiced like graduates already. We giggled, jig a little, and made some girly noise in the gym.

So I guess this is how my high school life commenced... but never did I thought that it was also the beginning of a new experience: to finally fall for your first love! It may sounds mawkishly old-fashioned, but we can’t deny that every normal teenager experience to fall in love mostly in their high school years, for the very first time.

But before love, there is what we call "school" and "academics" to excel in. The top 200 in our school are required to undergo another screening. Those who will pass will enter the two star sections “The School of the Future”. Sounds savvy and revolutionary, right? But nah!  In reality, it's like an ordinary kind of section, labeled with hyperbole. 

After few days I was back in school. This time, to face another dreaded tests- the screening tests for the School of the Future thingy.

I entered the testing room and it was labeled with numbers. We were supposed to seat by rank.

I saw no. 29 on a seat near the door and there it was- my seat. Silence took over as strangers arrived, filling-in the four-walled room. As we were all waiting for the exam, I know that all of us in that room were stress-out and scared. Two exams were over, and yet we have to face another two interviews. It was like an unending process of screening.

I do not have the confidence, and I don’t have that strong self-esteem when I was 12. I look like a mess and act like a butterfingered human being. Recently, I scanned through my old high school photos and I can describe myself as an epitome of socially-awkward adolescent. Gross!

I look like a nerd minus the high-ceiling intelligence plus the maladroitness. My hair is waving into different directions. My sense of style was horrendous. I have that fear of looking to other people in their eyes. So while I was in that room, I just kept looking down. I did not wear my eyeglasses that day to lessen my all over the place weirdness.

All I know was that there was a boy seating near beside me. The rank # 30 of course! I was not able to have a clear look of his face, not with my eyeglasses off. But somehow, I was able to form an image of him back in my mind. I took a few glances of him in different circumstances, but my vision is too blurry to capture an HD image of this rank 30 boy.

After several series of exams and interviews with the head of the department, the day ended with a blast of mental exhaustion. My mama was waiting for me outside the building. She waved her hand, so I can easily recognize her. Then she welcomed her daughter with a smile on her face knowing I was in a dreadful state. I could still recall, she was sitting next to a mother whom she had a little chat with, that afternoon.

Few minutes later and the boy I named rank # 30 arrived at the scene to meet her mom- the mother sitting next to my mama. Oh, so there, we met again. But I’m not interested to exchange some greetings to the boy because apparently I look disgusting, tired, and I’m obviously shy. I hurried mama so we can leave the school. So, that ended the day. I couldn’t remember more.