A Pain Behind The Eyes

There's a shiver in the dark. I'm running through the halls. The endless darkness. It's coming for me, I start to run faster. Why me? Because it's fate. The walls are closing in to me. He's coming, he's coming. It's written in blood on the walls. I was there and I saw what he did, I saw it with my own two eyes. His every movement. I was there. I. Was. There. And I will never be again. The lifeless body on the ground. The light that has gone from his eyes. The blood that is dripping on the ground. The last time we had met. The tears in his eyes. Gone. I realised. He was gone now. Lost to darkness, never to be coming back to me again. And He, was still there. In the room. My investigation. It led to dead. To him and to me. No one came until the morning. No matter how hard I screamed. The help, the help that he needed, and I needed, it never came. That was when I realized. Every man has to die.
I sat there. In my room. With him. With a bottle of whiskey, and a new set of lies.

My friend called me to dinner. I was eating, at the table. With my family. My friends. It was supposed to be a pleasent evening. But it wasn't for me. The blood. The smell. My private investigation. My friend. Death. And him. The candles were litted. There's a chink of light, there's a burning wick. There's a lantern in the tower. I didn't feel the pleasure of the food, neither the taste of the wine. It didn't do anything to me. It wasn't for me as pleasent as for the others. I saw it. The blinds on the window. And the pain behind the eyes. I was scarred for life.

And now I'm running. My hair flies behind me and my blood leaves me a trail. He is close, and he's getting closer. There was no escape. The walls are enclosing me. The bodies are begging me. The blood is killing me. And the fear.. The fear is hunting me. There was no end. No end of this hallway. No end of my suffering. No end of my wandering through the dark. He has promised me that. But then I saw light. The light that would give me hope. The hope that would maybe, ever give me my family and friends back. And would release me from the heavy load I'm carying on my back. Release me from the world. The world of hatred. And him...
I longed so much of getting my happiness back. My heart. My music. But the only sounds I could hear were my own cries.

I was home. With my friends. Doing my duties for my Lord. I was checking out the reports. And in the meanwhile cleaning up my Lord's room. Someone knocked on the door. "Come in." My Lord stepped in. "You're doing a great job." I gave him a small smile. He has always been happy with me. And I'm happy to work for him. That night, the day before it happened. I had no idea what would await me the next day. My Lord invited me to eat dinner at his room. We talked. With no idea that that would be the last talk we would ever have. The last time we would met. It was very pleasent, very nice. He never invited me for dinner before. After dinner I went to my room. The biggest mistake I had ever made. I should have never left him alone. But I didn't know. I walked over to my desk. There were the papers and the reports of the case I was working on. I read everything over again. I expected nothing tonight. Until there was a letter on my window frame. I picked it up and the blood on it dripped on the floor. I looked out of the window but there was no one to be seen. The letter was empty but bloody. I didn't understand. I went back to my desk and the murder board I've made. I pinned the letter down on the murder board. I took a step backward and looked at it again. Then I went to bed. I thought of a song... 'This is my investigation, not a public inquiry.' I thought. With that I fell asleep.

The light is coming closer. And when I came there. It was the wind that was blowing in my face and through my hair.

The next morning. I woke up. I had this feeling. No good, I could say. I went to my Lord's room. I had overslept and he hadn't came yet to wake me up. I knocked on the door. There was nothing. It was weird. The guards were standing outside the door. They didn't seem to notice me. They didn't seem to notice anything. There wasn't anyone wandering through the halls. It was strange. There was no sound. So I opened the door and went in. With no idea that it would hurt me so bad. The blood... The pain... It was a murder...
It was in the room. My Lord's body, on the floor. Covered in blood. And it was written in blood on the wall. 'I'm coming for you'. I screamed for help and knelt down beside him on the floor. He was dead. Dead. My biggest fear. I looked up but there hasn't came anyone. So I went to the door. The guards were still standing there. "Hello! Are you deaf!! He is dead!!! Do you hear me, dead!!! Get help!!!!!" I screamed as hard as I could. But the guards did not even looked at me. I had to investigate it. This murder case. But I couldn't. I walked back to my Lord. There was he. Bent over the body of my Lord. In black. With a hat. I wanted to run. To get out of this nightmare. But the door was already closed and the game had started.

This wind was the best thing that could ever happen to me. This forest. This freedom. But everyone I loved, they're all gone. But there it was. The town. That small town. I was almost there. So close...
But I could have known....

I was running. Running through the forest. The town, I was almost there. I run toward it. "Please!!!! Help me!!!!" My throat was dry but I screamed as hard as I could. They must hear me! They had to! And yes, they must have had. But there he was. No guard who was awaiting me on his horse. No man who would lend me his hand. No one who would help me. Instead there was he. I dropped to my knees on the cold forest floor. The tears were streaming down my face. I didn't even moved my head. I was lost.... So lost...

And here I am now. I would never be free again. Everything was lost to me. The darkness of this place. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't hold on much longer. No more. But there it was. My solution. What I thought would be my solution. He was there. He left me the knife to cut the meat what he wanted me to eat. And I didn't think.. I didn't know. There's no way out of this dark place. No hope, no future. I knew I couldn't be free. But I couldn't see another way and I couldn't face another day. The knive was too tempting. The death was too tempting. And I could feel the blood running down my neck when I sliced my throat with it. And it went black. I fell down. And there he was when I woke up. And I couldn't believe it. "Welcome to death." He told me. There was no way out.

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The morning has begun. My assistant hasn't woken up yet so I walk up to his room. I open the door. He is still asleep. So peaceful. Still so... sad. I sit down beside him at the edge of the bed. And I look at him. My assistant. My friend. So kind. So innocent. But something is wrong. His breathing. It is not right. And I'm shocked. "Guards!!!" But before I could scream anything more... He breathed his last breath. And I feel the tears running down my cheeks. But when I examine him I see no cause. No cause of death.

The only thing I could see is a pain behind the eyes.

~This is an 'Ik Ben Rijk' story~