Sensuality

VI - 1

We arrive in Mick's car and walk over the campus. I walk in the front, Andrew and Mick slightly behind me dragging their feet over the ground.

'Come on, seriously?'

I just want to scream at them to suck it up. This is not how I imagined the semester to start.

I turn around to say something, maybe not scream at them but then I see Andrew's face. His eyes swing from one group of people to the next. Every time someone laughs I see Andrew almost unnoticeable jumping at the sound. Fuck, he is scared.

I go up to him and lean forward making him stop. Maybe a little bit of my energy will help him.

"You want me to relax you a bit?", I whisper. A little confused he looks up to me. Then the realization hits him. Without saying a word he shakes his head but his hand briefly touching mine. So I hold out my hand for him and he takes it looking around if everyone is looking.

Sadly a few students are and not all of them are friendly or unbothered. This day is really testing me to control my feelings. I have to hold back not to give everyone who looks at us a death stare.

Andrew and I escort Mick to the art department. The stares follow us but I keep Andrew in a conversation to distract him a bit. When we arrive, Mick hugs me and Andrew goodbye and I can feel that he doesn't want to go in.

"What if I meet Ember inside?", Mick asks us.

"Then you ignore her", I say, "She stood you up and never replied."

Mick sighs and then hugs us again before he disappears into the building. I hope nothing will happen to him. I mean it is only a few hours till we all eat lunch together but a lot can happen in such a short time.

Thankfully nothing happens. Andrew survives the first two classes with me and when we meet Mick for lunch. He is as down as this morning. He had to dodge Ember three times but otherwise, his morning was uneventful. His words.

First I am glad that nothing happened because if nothing happened, nothing bad happened but after we start eating I wish something would happen. The atmosphere is unbelievably tense. Maybe it is just me that feels it this intense but it suffocates me. Andrew makes himself small to not attract any attention and his head jumps up with every loud sound. I can't understand him. His fear of being seen. Not today because of my whirl of emotion and the anger toward myself that I am not strong enough to protect him enough is growing stronger.

Mick is playing with his food but doesn't eat constantly sighing. Nobody says a word. Half through lunch I think I reach rock bottom for the day. I would love to have Thomas with me right now. I would pull him into the bathroom and release all this anger by having sex with him. I would scream and moan and wouldn't care if anyone heard me.

But he isn't here. So I have to find another release for all of these emotions. So the fact that a minute later my eyes fall onto Ember, who is standing at the entrance to the dining hall and looking over to us with a sad face, is very welcome.

For a split second, I think that I shouldn't do what I am about to do but then I am already on my feet. I tell Mick and Andrew I will be back in a minute. They look up for a moment but then let their heads hang again. Andrew is looking even more uncomfortable now but Mick will protect him.

With long steps, I walk over to Ember and stop right in front of her. She is a little smaller than me and looks up to me with sad and scared eyes. I must look really angry. I don't say a word. She gulps. I think a whole minute goes by before something in her expression changes.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?", she asks me with a trembling voice.

I don't answer but walk away hoping that she will follow me. I walk around the corner and into an empty classroom. The door falls shut behind me. She didn't follow me? Then the door opens again and she enters. The door falls shut again.