The Dictionary of a Hopeless Romantic Wordsmith (2020)

Chapter Six

I worked on the outline of Aris' novella all night. His word, chaos, is actually a good word to work around on. It has limitless potential. It could be anything and everything. But I settled with a simple and linear dystopian plotline—enough to get him at least a dos, if he could write it well.

It was almost three in the morning when I finished the plot outline of his novella.

After tidying my work table, I head straight for bed.

I cannot sleep.

Right now, I'm just mindlessly looking at the ceiling, unable to find the peace to sleep.

Love is one of the universe's biggest mysteries.

I thought of Ethan again. I thought of that night when he had fallen asleep on my shoulders. It was that particular moment that catapulted me into where I am right now.

Am I in love with him?

Ethan is my very first friend in this city. He is the reason why I started liking this place more and more everyday. He is the person who showed me its beauty that I would never see if I remained as a spectator in the sidelines.

And I could say that he is now an important part of my life. That I am definitely incomplete without him being in the picture. That my life will never go back to what I presumably thought was normal.

Ethan completely changed the universe that I am currently in right now. It is now more beautiful than what I initially thought.

But beauty comes with danger.

A meteor shower is beautiful when seen from a distance but dangerous when it hits you.

Stars are the beautiful twinkling lights of the night sky, yet they are actually flaming balls that can incinerate you on contact.

And that's the same thing with emotions.

Love is both beauty and danger.

Love is beautiful because it could make you feel like you're floating in the clouds. Like you're flying amongst the stars. Like you are the center of the universe—like you feel like you are somehow everything.

But love is also dangerous. It can also be the reason why you would feel like you're plummeting in an endless abyss of heartbreak. Like it’s a curse that will never be lifted. Like you are nothing but a small speck of stardust—useless and insignificant. Like you are nothing.

Am I in love with Ethan? Honestly, I don't know. It's a question I don't know the answer to. Even if I think long and hard about it, I cannot get to a sound answer. Both yes and no have its own implications, it's own consequences.

Ethan is my friend.

Yes. Friend.

And I care about him because he is my friend.

Of course, we always care so deeply about our friends.

And I promised to stay with him because he is my friend.

Because friends stick by each other no matter what.

And all those times; us being playful children, him holding me by the hand, the laughter we both shared together, and all the moments where I felt the butterflies. They happened because he is my only friend and I am just not used to the feeling of actually having a friend.

Yes. That's how friendship works. Ethan is just a really expressive friend.

Ethan is my friend.