Monday 14th December 21:44pm,
Dear diary,
It was last lesson,I was in history. I hated school. I didn't learn anything from it.
Finally, the bell rang. This could only mean one thing. Home time. I ran to my locker as Evie and marianna stared at me from across the hall. They usually just stand there and shout hurtful things.. But today was different.
"Amelia" Evie hissed with her short skirt and ragged pigtails.
I turned around to see her and marianna running over to me with aggression in their faces.
Grabbing my coat I tried to run but marianna tripped me over.
Marianna pulled me up roughly by the collar of my shirt.
"I'm going to make you regret the day you where born"
I tried to get out of her powerful grip on my neck but I couldn't force her off of me.
Evie kicked me in my stomach. I had never been so imbarrised as I turned to see everyone recording me.
"Get off of me!" I begged.
But marianna kept hitting me, punching me, kicking me.
I screamed for help but no one helped me.
Eventually, they let me go.
"This never happened did it Amelia,?!" Evie hissed quietly In my ear.
"No." I said softly hiding my face in my burgundy school jumper.
15:34
I got in my mums car.
She saw the blood, cuts and bruises.
My mum knew full well what was going on but she seemed to be careless about the whole situation.
"You're going to be late for your counselling appointment for fuck sake Amelia!" Said ellise.
I would call her mum but she's no mother to me! Ever since Louis (my father) became a criminal and ran away, she's been doing drugs and has been hooking up with the local dealer called guy.
He's quite trampy. He hides his face under a dirty grey baseball cap with a ripped grey jumper and midnight blue tracksuit bottoms.
Eventually we got to my appointment in hove. We was 15 minutes late but my counciller amy newsmith didn't mind. Her and sofia my bestfriends are the only ones that care about me. I wish I still got to see sofia but she's in care now. Her dad raped her and used to abuse her. We get to write to each other and we are meeting next year on the 18th Feburary! I can not wait!!
"Ahh Amelia you're finally here!" Says Amy.
"Would you like to come in ms reaten?"
My 'mother' slowly limped behind me as she has recently been in a car accident with guy after he gave her heroin.
"So, Amelia I realised when you walked in you have cuts and blood on your face? I hope this isn't the start of you self harming again. Remember how much we talked about this?" Amy said.
Now, I see amy as my sister! I can tell her anything..
"Well..uhm.. Remember I told you about Evie?"
"Yes,very well actually Amelia"
"Her and her new 'friend' attacked me after school and got a lot of year 11's to record it and put them on social media websites." I blinked back the tears trying too not look like a wuss.
Later on, I left the room with ellise and I felt better. A lot better intact. I always did when I spoke to her.
It was a silent awkward drive home.
All I could think about what charlie...you see I loved him so much except he was taken.. By Evie. All I want, all I need is him, sofia and amy right now.
He used to like me in kindergarten..I kissed him once. But now he hates me..I'll never be good enough.
Finally, but sadly we got home..I saw guy. Waiting outside my kitchen window. As we stumbled up to the front door he slouched over too my mum asking in his deep, husky voice.
"You alright babe?
I've got some strong green if you want it."
My mum chuckled as he carried her in.
I didn't eat at all today, I don't eat. I just want to be as perfect and skinny as marianna.
As I got in to what I call a "room"
(Shabby matrices on the floor and a broken wardrobe where I keep my blades)
I had a wash, we have no gas so the shower was freezing and we only use a bar of soap to wash..
I got in my room and put my pjs on I waddled over to my wardrobe and got the sharpest blade I could find. I usually cut my thighs but tonight, I was feeling brave and decided to clit my wrists! I don't know why but as much as it hurts it makes me feel good. I don't want to do it but it's addictive.
11:59
I'd been cutting for three hours straight and now, all I could hear was the evil laugh of my mums illegal high and the yelps of of guys orgasm. I thought about my dad as I felt my soul drifting away Louis stanbridge. I wish I knew him. I wish he loved me. I wish charlie loved me. I wish I was skinny. I wish I was Evie or marianna. I wish I could restart. Who am I kidding, no body loves me! Not even my dad come to save me all he's interested in is raping little girls and mudering innocent women.. Bravely I took the blade and cut the last empty place on my wrist the most important vein. I silently screemed inside. But I let the pain flow through my body. What else could I do? I was dead now. Just what I wanted
~death of Amelia stanbridge 14th of December 00:04 at 12 years of age~
Credit to mickey Kaye for the cover.
