Addicted To You (TO BE PUBLISHED)

Prologue

There's a saying out in the world stating, "if it won't matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes worrying about it", or in my case, crying and having minor mental breakdowns. I could've learned a lot from that. Only I didn't.

Five years ago, I spent so much time worrying about the wrong thing and the wrong person, but now look at me. I'm living a dream, working a dream job, and have made so much progress on myself. It's almost as if all that worrying didn't matter.

Yet, I still feel like I needed my past in order for me to be the person I am today. I mean, doesn't anyone need their past?

I placed my journal down and looked over to my left, watching life in the city pass on by. A groggy morning it is, but another day I get to wake up with a handsome man in my bed.

To my right, he lay flat on his abdomen, snoring like a freight train. Before I was to wake him up and kick him out for the day, my phone had done the job for me.

"Uugh... what's the time?" Nathan groans.

"Time for you to go. I must be in the office in an hour." I shove him away before answering the phone.

Contemplation crosses my mind the moment I see the name Nolan pop up on my phone. This a perfect example of my past life that has gone wrong. A reminder was sent to me for reservations for a wedding. One that I will not want to attend, not only because he was an ex that had gone wrong, but because I had never gotten the chance to attend my own wedding. Reliving someone else's wedding will only do more harm to me than good.

Who needs weddings anyways when you can just fuck who you want and continue with your life. I learned that from someone that has taught me to love myself more than anyone or anything.

I ignored the text and stared down at Nathan. "As a matter of fact, I can use a quick fix before going in."

Nathan turns around with a conceited grin. "So can I."

His rough hands rub against my skin, pulling down my nightgown. His lips touch my chest effortlessly, and my eyes close with pleasure across my face. In reality, I knew who I was about to fuck, but in my head, someone else was on top of me. My thoughts ran wild, and loud enough for me to moan out his name.

"Chase", a sudden whisper comes out.

Nathan's head pops up in shock. "Really?"

I figured I ruined the morning. I shove him away from me with guilt. "He jumped out the bed, placing his boxers back on. "Is that who just texted you? Because if you guys are still a thing then, just let me know and I'll leave you alone for good."

"It's not that. It's just a stupid moment of weakness that I had, I'm sorry." I apologize sincerely.

He shook his head in disbelief. "You seem to have a lot of that when it comes to him."

As he left me in the room to think of my actions, I threw my head back on my pillow. Why is this still affecting me and my life? Why must I spend another minute thinking about him? When I can just simply move on. It sounds so easy to do so, but the truth is, it's hard.

Even though it all went so wrong, wanting to be with him feels so right.

Five in half years ago...

Earring after earring, my thoughts were on the next chapter of life. Two and a half hours from where I stand in Pennsylvania is another journey. These earrings were a gift for getting into NYU. The diamond complements my appearance. I turn from the mirror facing Nolan, waiting for a compliment from him. His body was laid on my sheetless bed, and his phone was plastered to his face. I bluff my wavy blonde hair and fix my bangs. Clearing my throat to get his attention didn't work. It was obvious he was ignoring me.