The Nanny

•26•

He stopped showing up.

It had been two months post surgery and my last round of chemotherapy took place yesterday.

For the first two weeks it was bliss. Luciano would show up with the children and they would sit on the bed as they told me about their day.

"Daddy tried to make pancakes like you but they tasted yuck."

Luciano would sit on the chair beside holding my hand in his. His thumb tracing shapes on my palm.

Sometimes he would have Geoffrey pick up the kids and would share the bed with me staying until I fell asleep.

We would talk for hours. Well I did most of the talking but he listened. We made a list of things that we hoped to do before we died.

He told me briefly about the twins mother. I quote.

"She's a horrible bitch who abandoned her children because she wanted to have fun with her life."

After that we never spoke of her again.

Then one day he just didn't show. Instead Geoffrey stood by the door as the children ran into the room.

"Mama we have something to tell you." Luna was the first to say the children bouncing up and down in excitement.

"Our mummy's back"

"Pardon?" I questioned in disbelief at what Xavier had just said.

"Mummy came back." Luna repeated before being distracted by Loai pulling her hair.

I kept a smile on my face. "That's wonderful." I reassured them keeping my opinion to myself.

When the children left I tried to call Luciano to hear what he had to say about the controversial statement my babies had just told me. Voicemail.

Number disconnected.

A week after hearing the news from the children I received a letter dropped off by Geoffrey.

"Dear Emiola

Your services will no longer be needed in the Baraz household..."

I didn't read the rest of the letter after that.

"Geoffrey please tell me what's happening." I began to plead to him when he suddenly stopped bringing Xavier and Luna to see me and only Loai. He would just shake his head.

"You can't do this to me. You can't stop them from seeing me that's cruel and you know it. I love them like they are my own. Tell me anything... I'm begging you."

"Your belongings have been moved into storage. Miss Eliza Gomez has asked that you don't step another foot on their property or you will be charged for trespassing." Was all he said before turning quickly to leave.

He was seriously letting that woman decide things.

I quickly grasped his hand. "Please. Anything."

He just shrugged me off hurrying to the door.

"When you bring Loai tomorrow bring me all his belongings." I quietly told him before slamming the the door on him.

I felt abandoned and somewhat betrayed. The least he owed me was an explanation.

It hurt.

It hurt when the day I was discharged I stood at the desk with Loai in my arms.

I felt ashamed when my arms started shaking because he was too heavy for my weak state and the nurse had to offer to carry my own child.

I felt sad when she showed me the £14,783 bill for my treatment. My life's savings gone down the drain. Was the treatment even worth it?

It was painful stepping into a cold unfurnished apartment that I could barely afford again.

It was so quiet and the only thing I could call mine was my baby. At least I had him.

I would be back to counting pennies. I got too comfortable. This was my wake up call.

It hurt that I thought me and Luciano had a decent enough relationship, even if it had no label, that he would at least explain the situation to me before leaving me penniless and alone.

That bill consumed all my savings and more. Officially in debt how wonderful.

The only joy I felt was when I got to ring the bell in the hospital officially showing I was cancer free. I felt proud in that moment. My scars and lack of hair were for a purpose that I fulfilled.

Yet it was bittersweet because the rest of my family wasn't there to see it and that angered me. I cared when they didn't.

It pained me when Loai would ask after the kids and cry because I refused to take him to them. It made me sad. It made me feel like the bad guy.

However, I'm stronger now. I didn't let it break me down. If they didn't want me in their lives I would happily live my own, nurturing and loving my son even if it meant ignoring my feelings.

I was just their nanny was all I had to tell myself.

I resorted back to my old motto in life.

'everything I do is for Loai'

Blacklisted.

It had to have been the work of that woman.

That word greeted me with open arms at every interview in town I turned up to. Yet again another adjustment I had to cater to.

So I packed my bags and I moved away. No goodbyes. How can one town make you feel so unwanted.

A new town a four hour drive away. Cute and cheap. Perfect for families with children. Perfect place to raise Loai.

Two jobs I got straight away. A cute cafe and a toy store. I could being Loai some nice food home and a toy with the discount every once in a while. He was a happy toddler.

I made friends with many other families in the town earning me free childcare from my best friend Candy, a stay at home mum.

I'm ok. I can do it. I've been through worst.