Sa jeep.
Madalas silang magkasabay pauwi. Same class for two years. Not friends, just classmates. Nagkataong malapit ang bahay sa isa't isa.
He never had the guts to tell her how he feels.
It was so humid the entire day. Bawat galaw, tumatagaktak ang pawis niya. Nakakalusaw ng utak ang init. Nakakatamad gumalaw. Nothing changed when it was time for their dismissal. Maalinsangan pa rin sa kalsada. Mainit. Nakakapagod gumalaw.
Siksikan pa sila sa jeep. Panay pa ang daldalan. Mas lalong uminit.
"Bayad po!" Kinuhit siya ng katabi, nakahamba ang kamay na may lamang barya. Kinuha niya iyon at ipinasa sa unahan.
Makalipas ang labinlimang minuto, halos silang dalawa na lamang ang nasa jeep. May isang nakaupo sa passenger's seat. May mag-ina sa bandang unahan. Nasa tigkabilang dulo sila pareho para maiwasang pag-abutan ng bayad.
Ngumiti ito sa kanya nang mapansing nakatingin siya. Hindi na sila nag-usap mula nang bumaba ang mga kaklase at kaibigan.
Nakatingin lang pareho sa labas, dinadama ang hangin. Sa wakas ay nakaramdam din sila ng ginhawa.
Sinilip niya ang langit. Uulan kaya?
Sumulyap siya sa katapat. Kapag umulan, aamin na ako sa kanya.
--
She cranked the air-conditioning up. Stuck sila sa traffic. She told him to be there bago sila abutan ng traffic sa daan. He said he had a meeting he couldn't skip.
She didn't believe him.
He's wearing a different perfume, not the one that she bought a month ago. He styled his hair differently, not the one that she's used to seeing. He kept on pulling at his tie, para bang hindi makahinga nang maayos.
Maybe it was because of the heat. Maybe it was the overbearing silence. Maybe he feels the need to fill it before she does.
"Fuck. Ang tagal umusad!"
Bumusina ito. Bumusina rin ang mga nasa harap at likod. Para bang sinasabing, "Tanga, pare-pareho tayong stuck. Di porket bumusina ka, mawawala na ang traffic."
She always imagined the angry conversations drivers have with one another using their horns. Isang madiin at matagal na pindot, isang mahabang putangina. Ilang sunod-sunod na pindot, ini-enunciate siguro 'yong mura. Pu-tang-i-na!
She smiled at her own thoughts.
Sumandal siya sa bintana ng sasakyan, sinisilip ang langit. Madilim iyon pero hindi niya mawari kung dahil ba sa kapal ng usok ng mga sasakyan o dahil masyadong maliwanag sa lupa.
Kapag umulan, I promise I'll confront him tonight.
--
"It's been five years," the doctor told him.
He gave him a sympathetic pat on the back before leaving him alone with his mom. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ng ina. He could feel every callous on her lifeless palm. Dala ng maraming taon nitong pagtatrabaho para maitaguyod silang mga anak nito.
Kahit may sakit, she never gave up working.
Kahit mahirap, she never told them to stop schooling.
She's instilled in their minds that you will only lose when you stop chasing after what you want. Kapag may gusto kang gawin, gawin mo. Kapag may gusto kang makuha, paghirapan mo. Pero huwag kang tumigil.
It became his mantra at school. He persevered to graduate with honors.
It became his mantra at work. He toiled his way to the top.
It became his mantra in love. He pursued the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
It has become his mantra now. He wants his mom to wake up. So he will not stop waiting. He will not stop hoping.
Pero anak, minsan binibigyan ka rin ng senyales kung kailangan mo nang sumuko, naalala niyang sabi nito sa kanya dati. Dahil may mga bagay din namang hindi para sa 'yo. Kahit paghirapan mo, kahit pagpaguran mo, hinding-hindi mo makukuha.
He ignored it in college when he didn't graduate summa cum laude.
He ignored it at work when he didn't get that promotion he's been working his ass off to get.
He ignored it when the love of his life told him no.
Minsan kailangan mo ring tumigil sa paghabol, sa pag-arok, at sa paghihintay. Ibibigay sa 'yo kung ano ang kailangan mo, hindi dahil deserve mong matanggap kundi dahil kailangan mo sa buhay.
Not the top of his class but got hired right after college.
Didn't get the promotion but became the manager and was later given his own team to handle.
Lost the love of his life. Met his soul mate because of it.
What sign? he asked himself as he walked towards the air-conditioning unit. Napakainit. Kahit iyong hangin na binubuga ng aircon, medyo mainit din.
Dumiretso siya sa tapat ng bintana at tiningnan ang langit. Madilim iyon pero hindi niya mawari kung dahil ba sa mga ulap na may dalang ulan o dahil nasasapawan iyon ng liwanag mula sa ibaba.
He looked down at the traffic on the street. Hindi umuusad ang mga sasakyan.
Sige, kapag umulan... Kapag umulan, he'll take it as a sign to let go.
--
I didn't eat rice today. I couldn't cook because it was too hot in the kitchen. Inom lang ako nang inom ng tubig.
Nakadalawang paligo ako ngayong araw. Itinulog ko na lang ang init. Bawat galaw ko, tumatagaktak ang pawis ko. Noong isang araw pa nakabukas ang electric fan ko. Pinapatay ko rin naman, pailan-ilang minutong pahinga, pero di ko kaya nang matagal.
Kaninang tanghali, parang blower sa salon ang buga ng hangin. Mainit. Gusto ko na lamang magbabad sa yelo o gumulong sa ice cream.
I enjoyed editing pictures using templates at Picrew. The heat was disrupting my flow of thought. I couldn't write. So I did something that wouldn't require me to think too much. Something that also wouldn't require a lot of movement.
Sa labahan ako tumambay dahil malamig-lamig doon.
Ilang oras akong nag-edit ng pictures.
Sana umulan, naisip ko habang nag-i-scroll sa Twitter.
Gutom ako dahil sa init. Inaantok dahil sa init. Naisipan kong matulog na lang.
As I closed my eyes, I heard something weird. Kakaiba ang pasada ng mga sasakyan sa labas, parang tunog ng madulas ang daan.
I ignored it and focused on sleeping.
Maya-maya, naramdaman kong parang lumamig nang kaunti. I looked outside the window and saw droplets of rain.
I can't believe it's really raining. I thought I was imagining things.
Ang mga patak ay naging pagbuhos. Ang pagbuhos ay naging lurok. I giddily stood up and opened the window to catch some rain on my hand. May kasama pang kulog at kidlat.
Where did the clouds hide all this rain?
It lasted for a while and I thought to myself, is this a sign?
Dahil umulan....
