Love Without Tragedy | JB | a.u| BWWM | COMPLETE

Thirteen.

After my bath and lunch, I decided to get more rest.

I was glad that Justin was patient with me. He just wasn't too happy that I'd dragged myself out of the bathroom after my bath but I couldn't have him carry me around forever.

I slowly woke up from my nap and found Ms Jones seated in a chair besides the bed. In her hands was a cup of tea. Worry painted on her face as well as sadness.

I looked at her and her frown deepened.

"Dileah, dear." She said softly.

I frowned.

"Sweet Jesus. Why didn't you tell me?" She said. "You tell me everything-- I thought."

I really didn't want to talk about this.

"I can't believe I didn't notice." She shook her head.

I realised that she'd cried. For me.

"No, Ms Jones." I said, slowly sitting up.

"Look at you. Have you looked in the mirror, Dileah?"

I shook my head. I wasn't sure I wanted to look in the mirror.

She sighed.

"I had no idea this is what life was for you, Dileah. If I knew, I would've made you pack all that was yours and made you come stay with me in my apartment." Ms Jones said angrily.

Exactly why I didn't tell her. I wasn't much of a cat person either.

"You put on all that makeup and that smile and it deceived everyone-- even me!" She shook her head.

"I'm sorry." I fiddled with my fingers.

She sighed.

"No, don't be. I probably would've done the same if I were in your shoes. I just can't... Why would anyone do this? How often did this happen, Dileah? Please be honest with me? I spent the last day and a half worrying about you because you took off on me."

"Almost every day." I answered her question.

She gasped.

"For heaven's sake, Dileah!"

I frowned.

"You waited for this to happen. Really? Look at you. Justin says you couldn't even--" her breath hitched and she buried her face in her hands.

I watched her cry and suddenly, I cried too.

I felt so stupid!

"You ought to go report this to the police, Dileah, or I will. You don't deserve this!" She said.

I wiped my tears.

"Why?" She asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, too ashamed to even look at her.

"I thought I loved him." I said softly.

Ms Jones sighed.

"This is not love. Quite frankly, that boy ought to be torched, if you asked me. Actually, tortured then torched. What kind of fool does this to a woman?"

I said nothing in response.

"You deserve so much better, Dileah. You're young! You should be out partying on weekends and studying in between work. You should be having flings here and there, spending your salary on things like clothes. Not..." She trailed off.

I did feel old. Very old.

"Thank God for Justin then. Heaven knows what would've happened to you last night, had he not given you his contact details before. If you called me, I would've taken a little longer to arrive. I get cranky after being woken up." She said.

I tried to smile but I couldn't.

"Did Paul see you today?" She asked me.

I shook my head.

"Justin covered up for me." I said.

"He needs to know, Dileah."

I shook my head again.

Ms Jones sighed.

"I only want what's best for you, dear. You're like a daughter to me." She said.

I looked down at my hands.

"Things will get better, believe me." She added.

"They won't." I said. "They never do. Life's been like this to me ever since I was little and I'm not waiting on it to change just because I got the hardest beating of my life. It has no sympathy, Ms Jones. Survival of the fittest, right? I'm surviving, for now. That's how it is."

"You're so pessimistic."

"I'm realistic. You think that after last night, heaven will be like 'oh shame. Let's tone it down a little. Give her a break and give her a bit of happiness'? No. It didn't do that for my mom, it won't do that for me. Imagining life as paradise is a waste of time because what's the point? When you're awake, you're in the claws of the devil and when you go to sleep, only your mind gives you a taste of heaven. Stupidity."

Ms Jones said nothing.

My lip quivered and I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"You can't change destiny, Ms Jones. This is my destiny, my life. I will admit, there are many, many times that I've wanted to have an ending like my mother's... But I remember you and I remember how unlucky I am," I chuckled, "if I tried to kill myself, heaven would make sure I feel it. I suffered on earth, I'd suffer in the middle of taking my life and I'll suffer in the afterlife. That's me."

"You don't think greatly of yourself at all."

"No one does. It's been like that since I was young, Ms Jones. My dad left, my step-dad did unmentionable things to me, he beat my mom, my boyfriend treated me like crap... Do you see what I mean? It never gets better. Every memory I have in my head is of me experiencing something painful, me crying or hiding. That's all I know and that's why I didn't leave Randy even after he kissed me with his fist. What he did to me was something I was used to seeing. It was normal."

Ms Jones wiped her tears.

I wiped my own tears and chuckled once more.

"All this crap and Justin still managed to find something to compliment me about. That was foreign to me, Ms Jones, it still is. I just can't help but wonder what it is he wants from me. Where I come from, you don't give without expecting."

"Well, I don't think Justin comes from where you do. Systems differ from place to place, Dileah. You can't keep hoping to see the worst in people, that's your problem. A good thing has come your way. Stop being so damn pessimistic and take my advice: be open. Don't push him away because you might push too hard and lose him forever. Take each day as it comes and let him save you. You need saving, Dileah."