This may completely ruin your childhood.
Blaine tiptoed down the stairs, hoping that Kurt had already left for work. He really did not want to do this.
"Why can't Kyler just go looking like he did? Or have Burt talk to him? Burt is very experienced in this!" Blaine thought out loud.
"My father is very experienced in gay sex?" Kurt asked from the living room couch.
"Yes! I mean, no. I ju--he did--I was going to, um--good morning, honey. I thought you were at work." Blaine replied as he took several long strides toward Kurt. He placed a chaste kiss to the corner of Kurt's mouth.
"Yeah, nice save, dumbfuck. Kyler, get down here." Kurt called. His eyes never once wavered from the television screen.
Kyler clomped down the stairs with an annoyed look scribbled across his face. "I was video chatting Grayson, dads," the boy whined.
"Is that all?" Blaine asked, trying to muster up his paternal authority.
"Y-yes?" Kyler looked completely confused. "We were trying to work on our health project."
"Are you studying the male anatomy?"
"What? No! Why would you--oh. Oh, no. Dad, please. That-that's not what we were doing. I swear to God." Kyler backed up with a slightly scared expression on his face. "I'll wait until I'm 30! Can I just go back up to my room?"
"I remember making that promise to my dad."Kurt interjected with a chuckle. "How long did that last, Blaine? We had that talk when I was in eleventh..." Kurt trailed off to do the math in his head.
"Dad, TMI!" Kyler exclaimed. "Look, I get it. I got a boyfriend and you two want to make sure I stay safe. Condoms, lube, I know. Can I go now?"
"Yes."
"No." Kurt and Blaine said simultaneously.
If looks could kill, the one Kurt was giving Blaine right now was probably considered a massacre. "He needs to know, Blaine."
"Uh, right. He needs to know." Blaine drawled slowly.
"Wow, Dad B. You're whipped." Kyler raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.
"You would be, too if you knew the power I hold."
"Kinky," Kyler's tone was flat. "Can I go now?"
"Sit your ass down, Kyler Thomas Hummel-Anderson!" Blaine's voice shook the room, even scaring Kurt. This'll be so easy, Blaine thought. "Okay, you understand the basic mechanics, right?"
"Yes. A dick in the ass," Kyler nodded.
"Not always. While that is widely known, not all men like penetrative...sex." Blaine drew out the last few syllables and gulped. He looked over at Kurt for some help to find the right words.
"Right. For example, your Dad B doesn't like my dick in--" Kurt began but was cut off by Blaine throwing a plastic pear at him.
Kyler sat gaping at his father like a fish out of water and Kurt couldn't help the chortle that clawed its way up his throat.
"Okay, Kyler. A lot of men prefer rutting and oral sex." He glanced at Kurt. "I'll be right back." Blaine ran up to the attic and found all of Kyler's old toys. He quickly grabbed the first two action figure he had his hands on--a white Power Ranger and a black Power Ranger. He galloped downstairs and stood before his son and husband with two very...different toys.
Kurt barked out a laugh at the sight of the Power Rangers and Kyler just looked mortified.
"Okay, so in oral sex," Blaine put the white Power Ranger's head up to the black Power Ranger's groin. Kurt laughed even louder.
