i know it's
okay
to feel like this,
but that doesn't mean
i like it
i wonder that you're okay so soon
do you not feel the acid stench of
guilt when she's there?
like i would feel if i was as quickly
leaping into the arms of another
we meant something,
built and grew and developed
each other, together.
are all those discoveries,
that felt monumental, redeemers
of confidence and joy that we constructed
with our entwined hands,
are they all just ruins?
a castle we abandoned on the hill
as we succumbed to the ambiguity
of cold rolling fog around the garrets
it hurts to think you would lose me so quickly
out of sight, out of mind
not a trace of longing do I sense in the friendly
amicable messages we exchange
platonically
though every time your name appears, glowing,
unadorned by symbols of connected affection,
its like I'm falling
and i wonder if I'll ever land,
and if I do, will it be a harsh, destructive end
or into the soft welcoming arms of someone else.
I like to think I could catch myself,
but when the rain cleanses the windows,
with a soothing touch of cut crystal,
and obscures all from view in a hazy disillusion,
it seems impossible that I could stand
on the glassy ground
and see my pallid reflection, and the
confused tears behind my eyelids,
without collapsing under the burden
of what was evidently my mistake
when you crave the touch of lips,
pink and warm as raspberries
with the dewy moisture of a clear-skied morning,
is it my taste you savour,
or the honey-sweet, vodka-smooth flavour
of one that you share your newest adventures with.
or are they like mine,
a fruit tea steeped in nostalgic flavours,
the only one I've ever known to bring the
exotic comfort
that is you
will i ever feel that trusting passion
with another?
when I think of my someone new
they seem a step removed,
distorted into a gold edged shadow
behind the gleaming halo
that I placed on your head.
October 2019
