𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 (𝟏𝟖+)

33. RUNNING

After Denver finished his sandwich he left Luke and I alone in the kitchen together. Now the two of us are just standing here, looking over one another. I hate him so much. I hate him for hating me. Most of all, I hate myself. That look in his eyes, that wounded look, I'd caused that. That is my fault. I did that. I hate myself for that. I can't take looking in them anymore.

"Where are you going?" Luke asked when I'd turned to walk out of the room.

"I don't know." It's the truth. I had no idea what was next. Denver is downstairs with Marina and Luke and I are just awkward right now. It's all just fucked up and weird between us in ways that it never has been. "I'm just going to leave you alone, Luke. I think we both need our space."

"Why are you leaving me alone?" His voice is a bit closer but I still don't turn around. "You don't need to leave me alone."

"Because I can't take that look in your eyes, Luke." I feel his body press up against the back of mine. "Luke, I'm serious."

"What?" His lips caress the skin in the nape of my neck. "You don't like the hurt there? The feeling of betrayal you see in them?" He places a tender kiss there. "You don't like seeing what this situation has done to me?" I feel tears prick in my eyes as his hands caress down the sides of my body.

"I hate it." I shake my head feeling the sadness take over me. "I hate what I've put you through because of him. All those years I was gone thinking I was protecting you. All that time unknowingly putting Denver in danger. Knowing he has videos of me, us." He tenses at the mention of that. "I'm so sorry, Luke." I feel his hand reach around to the waistband of my pants but I stop the movement. "I don't think we should do this." I shake my head again and step away from the proximity of his body. "I don't think this is a good idea at all."

"Mal?" I don't listen to him as I hurriedly walk away from him. He knows it's a rarity for me to stop a sexual encounter when it's started, especially with him. Right now though, I don't think I could take another love/hate fuck from him. When we used to be together he'd give himself solely to me, trust in me. He'd let me take him and have my way with him. He used to give me everything and I knew he would never be with me that way again. That reality, well, that fucking kills me. "Malyssa, stop."

"Just let it go, Luke. I need some space. It's not a good idea for us to fool around right now. There's just..." Just way too much on my mind right now. I pick up my pace, wanting to get away from him but Luke is close on my heel.

"Mal, what the fuck? Just stop and talk to me. Don't get like this." He's following me up the stairs as I take them two at a time now. "Malyssa, what the hell?"

"Luke, it's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine." It's always fine. This panic attack slowly building inside of me is completely fine. "I just need to be left alone, Luke. That's all." Once I'm finally at the top I'm basically running to my room, running away from Luke. Running from my current reality. The reality where my insane sister is tied up in the basement and I'd let a man I loathe more than anything live. What is wrong with me? I'm like a toxic poison. This is all my fault.

"Fucking Christ, Mal." He rounds the bedroom a few seconds after me. "What the hell is going on with you?" I don't stop before trying to make it to the bathroom before he catches on to what I'm doing but he throws himself right in my way. "Stop. Stop whatever this is."

"Just leave me alone. I want to be left alone." My eyes find his and those grey-blue orbs look sad. "I'm sorry. I- I just need a minute." I try to break free but he grabs ahold of my arms, stopping me. "Luke, let me go. Just," I try to jerk my arm away harder now and automatically feel a sharp sting where the wound in my upper left arm is, "Fuck!" I exclaim at the sensation.