Ice Bites and Fire Burns

chapter i

I want to post this here to show you my writing from 2019. I was really young and I still am now so please don't keep your hopes up, I suck at this.

Also, TW: for implied dissociation, depersonalization, some rumination, panic attacks, slight injury, hyperventilation.

Please stay safe my lovelies and please please please drop a comment because I'd love to see constructive criticism.

It was going to be a simple training lesson. Just a couple of UA teachers supervising and class 1 A lightly sparring. No surprise villain attacks or false threats of expulsion. The staff agreed that the kids needed to destress and as students of U.A, physical combat was best to make them happier.

Todoroki wasn't looking forward to the lesson, it was an irregular break from their usual timetable for the stupid reason that the class should 'unwind' from all the stress from the license exam. It was true that the exams were tough, so a break was necessary. However, Shoto could only think about how pathetic it would be to rest after failing. Then it struck him, he failed.

It had never struck him this deeply. He remembered the night he spent alone in his dorm room with his phone switched off to avoid talking to anyone (especially his father).

He failed.
He'd continue to fail.
Fail to ever get his license.
Fail to get a mentor.
Fail to pass next term's tests.
Fail to get a job.
Fail at life.
Fail at ever-

"Todoroki?"
It was the distanct voice of what he picked out to be Kirisbima, who he could not look in the eyes. But at least he had enough focus to snap the fuck out of his stupid daze because Todoroki Shoto could not afford to fail again.

It was with a slight hum that he let his classmates know he was with them, in UA, close to the gym, in the boy's changing room, and with that he began to change.

...

Changing clothes infront of others used to involve the right positioning and speed so that no one could see any lingering marks from training at home. It could be a pretty nasty bruise or a deep scrape and for someone that thought Shoto was practically untouchable at school training, the concept of being injured at training at home was hard to believe.
By moving into the dorms, the young Todoroki did not have to worry about these things as marks stopped lingering all together. He unbuttoned his shirt, trying not to notice the minute trembles his fingers showed, and slipped on his tracksuit top.

Changing into his bottoms was a bit trickier as the result of his last training session, although a long time ago, was still there. His left knee was a bit red and felt raw to move around but Shoto was used to mentally numbing his injuries most of the time.

Maybe he was mistaken. Maybe he didn't numb himself, just swept them under the rug until there stood an overwhelming mountain infront of him. He just pretended to ignore it because the rug was still there, not touching the ground anymore, but still over his stupid issues.

Maybe he just ignored the pain until it was only a small voice at the back of his head.

He deserved all of it anyways.
... What was the time?

Crap.
Everyone already left the changing room, huh?
He jogged to the gym where no one really seemed to have noticed his tardiness, so it was possible that they all just left the changing room early.
Or nope.
"So you've finally decided to join us Todoroki."
Crap, crap, crap.
It was Aizawa's bloodshot eyes that bored into his own and he could notice that the rest of the class and staff turned to look at him too.