The state that I'm in. (BEING EDITED)

The pier

I looked at Leo in a curious manner as I didn’t expect that at all. I assumed he would ask Cathrine to join him in his walk rather than me and the fact that his face was serious got me intrigued.

Harry turned his head in our direction not knowing what he was supposed to do. Holding his helmet on one hand he looked at Cathrine who also stood there a bit surprised by Leo’s statement and offered his other to Cathrine to join him. He smiled at her and she responded with an equally warm smile before she followed him. That was weird. He seemed calmer talking to her. He seemed his age. He was 22 and there were times that his frown face would make him look older.

"I want to talk to you", Leo said.

"And I want to talk to you", I replied playfully.

"I’m serious and you know I’m never serious", he stressed.

"OK. I’m serious, too. What is this about?"

"You go first", he demanded.

"No, you dragged me here and you wanted to go for a walk, so spill the beans!" I said seeming carefree but I knew that something was wrong.

"OK, I don’t know how to do this shit that you girls do all the time but here it goes."

He ran his hand through his hair obviously frustrated.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"Wouldn’t you know if I did, you stupid boy", I answered. "Where is this coming from? Are you seeing anyone?" I asked in return.

"Fuck no!" he replied in terror. "You know me better than that."

"Are you sleeping with anyone at the moment", I asked rolling my eyes at him.

"Define at the moment", he smiled a wicked smile.

"I don’t mean right now obviously, I mean these days"

"What’s it to you?" He playfully asked.

"My friend kind of has a crush on you", I said looking back to Cathrine who was laughing with Harry about something and he was laughing back at her seeming carefree and honestly very different. I couldn’t help but feel happy seeing him that way.

"My friend has a crush on you", he copied my words.

"What? Who Johny? I knew he was staring at me the other night at the club but isn’t he dating Nat?"

"For a university chick you really are stupid", he stated in a plain manner. "I mean my friend Harry."

I stopped walking all together staring in his eyes as if he had just revealed the solution to ending world famine. What was he talking about? The guy barely talked to me the previous night. He didn’t even look at me most of the time. He liked me? The boy with the most unbelievable mysterious eyes, liked me? There were so many girls around him all night and he liked me?

"Is this your idea of a joke?" I asked Leo, waiting for an immediate answer. He just couldn’t joke about things like that.

"Have I ever joked about these things? Have I ever even bothered with your fucking love life? He wouldn’t shut up about you today and I haven’t seen him that happy or excited since the day I met him. He actually formed a whole fucking sentence today and I usually get a yes or a no. I told him that I would talk to you in a subtle way"

"And this is you being subtle?" I smiled still not believing what I had just heard.

"I told him that I would ask you if you were seeing someone and I delivered, didn’t I?" He was exasperated. I could tell. This was definitely not his thing.

I continued walking with him on the pier breathing in the salty air and admiring the wild waves splashing fearlessly on the rocks and I felt a chilling sensation. I looked back and our eyes met locking, his almost in pain. What was it with this boy?

"So, do you like him?", he asked again waiting impatiently for an answer.

"I don’t know Leo. I don’t even know him. He seems OK. I don’t know what to say, you caught me off guard"

"So this is a maybe?"

"A maybe to what Leo? If he wants to ask me out, he should do it himself, don’t you think?"

"Yeah ,you’re right he replied giving up. And he should talk to you about something else to … I guess he should do this you are right."

"And now back to you." i tried to change the subject as our topic made me uncomfortable. " Do you fancy Cathrine?" I asked him already expecting the answer.

"I like her, yeah. She is fun. Is she a good friend of yours?" He asked me in return in a wicked grin.

"Yes I’ve known her from school. She is a sweet girl", I replied.

 "Valerie", he continued and I knew he was serious using my whole name. "You know I don’t do the date thing and she is Jimmy’s sister. You know I can’t do this. Could you just let her know gently. We could be friends but I’m not looking for anything serious right now or ever so I guess I’m not interested", he told me in a serious manner almost disappointing himself with his statement.

I knew he was not looking for a relationship, I mean I’ve witnessed it but seeing him rejecting any sort of thing that could actually lead somewhere was heart breaking in a way.

"OK."

 I looked back and I saw that Harry and Cathrine had stopped walking and they sat at the edge of the pier on a rock looking at the sun which was about to set painting the sea with the most incredible oranges and purples and browns and reds. It was unbelievable.

"Hey, let’s go back " I said in a soft voice trying to take in the grandeur of the sun giving way to the moon to rule the night.

He followed me and we sat next to them speechless and ecstatic. A few moments passed and Leo broke the silence by saying:

"Hey Cathy we are getting some ice cream. You two stay here, we won’t be late."

Cathrine was thrilled and I felt sorry that I would change that in a while but I knew what Leo was doing. This was him being subtle. I smiled.

Harry continued looking at the sea as if he was enchanted by it. The crispy wind was playing with his beautiful brown hair and his expression was enigmatic. I was sitting right next to him feeling a bit cold unable to absorb what Leo had told me.

"Valerie", he finally said as he looked at me with those spell binding eyes. "Would you like to go out with me tomorrow? Like on a date?"

The words came out of his mouth in an unnatural way almost as if they tortured him. So did he want to go or not and why was it so hard for him to say it? What was bothering him?  There was something about him that made everything appear a paradox.

"I’d love to"I replied blushing and looking away.

His fingers touched my chin gently pushing it up so our eyes could meet. He looked at me in a way I have never experienced before his touch alone was fire and I was lost.

"Good."