Four AM Sky [Camren]

Four AM Sky

Lauren is looking at the city from the roof of the hotel, sitting in silence and darkness when her phone rings. For a second she curses herself for even taking it with her, but she knows that with her life she is not allowed to forget it anywhere she goes. So she picks up and greets the caller.

"Lauren?"

"Ally, hi, why are you calling?"

"Well, Lauren, it's four AM and you're not in bed."

She loves Ally for always being concerned but at times like these she wishes for everybody to leave her alone. It is four AM and she's sat on the roof of the hotel looking out over the city that is asleep, the silence and privacy makes it a safe place for her to let her thoughts run wild. She would never write them down, or say them out loud for fear of somebody seeing or hearing them.

"I'm sorry Als."

"Where are you?"

"Ally," It comes out a whisper and she just doesn't know what to do anymore. She figures Ally heard the distress in her whispered word when on the other side of the line a lot of rustling sounds are to be heard. "I'm safe, I'm fine, I am where I feel peace, feel at ease. I am surrounded by darkness but my mind is so clear."

"Have you been doing weed again?"

Any other time the question would have bothered Lauren but right now she doesn't care. It was Ally being protective and she knows that if anything were to go wrong she'd probably call Ally first. Because Ally won't press for answers, she'll just accept. And though it might not be healthy, it's what Lauren wants and needs. She can't go around telling people about her thoughts and feelings like she's not a public figure.

And keeping it in, is keeping it to herself. Keeping it to herself, is keeping it pure. And keeping it pure, is keeping it safe. Everybody out there has opinions on her and everything she does, she can't have this be tainted like the rest. 

It's fragile and insecure, kind of like Lauren herself. She doesn't show it often but she feels it all the time, whenever she goes out whenever she posts a picture or even when she is eating. It is all up in her head and her mind is never at ease, except for when she's on the roof in a foreign city at four am.

It's where she's able to focus on the one thing that she won't let herself think about or feel the rest of the day. It's what keeps her up at night but also what keeps her going through the day. 

"Ally, I just never feel this peaceful."

"But where are you?"

"I am where nobody will know, where nobody will judge. I am free of insecurities, free of torment."

She has been keeping it in for four years and she wants to tell somebody so badly but she wants to keep it to herself, she wants to be the only one to know. 

"Lauren, please, you're scaring me."

"Ally, I'm fine, I'm perfect, I'm not going anywhere."

"That doesn't make me feel any better, Laur."

Lauren figures she's been a little sketchy and that it might have come across wrong, especially since she's been so out of it lately. But she knows the end is coming and that next year Fifth Harmony will be nothing more than a memory, a Once Upon A Time, a story to tell her children and grandchildren. She knows it's coming and she's scared that with the end everything will be gone, so she has to keep it in, keep it safe because at least she'll have that.

She can't be very to the point because her brain is only focused on one thing and that one thing is nobody's business but hers. She can't slip up, so being vague is better than nothing and Ally should be glad she's even talking in the first place. Of course she won't tell the girl that because Ally has been nothing but supportive.