Somedays are just hard, watching everyone share mother's day shit on each social media platform.. I don't have a word for this particular feeling .
In the year after your death Maa, my dreams plagued me whether they were about your not being with me or when they fooled me into thinking you were still alive. The waking up and again remembering you were gone was the hardest point of each day.
I tell you this.. Maa, not to make you sad but to let you know how much of an impact losing you had on my young life.
I did many things I shouldn’t have, gave up many things you had loved right alongside me, but somehow with you gone they just didn’t matter anymore, the joy of them was stripped from me. I became empty.
I searched for many things to fill myself up. Many were bad things, but some were good. I miss you maa, miss your smell your warm touch.
A part of me is still lost and I’m wondering if I will ever get it back, maybe that piece is in with you and someday you can put it back in me and I will be whole again.
Remember the words of wisdom Uncle Ben gave to Peter Parker in Spiderman “With great power comes great responsibility”.
I tried Maa, I really tried my best to fullfill all the responsibilities you left me with. As one naive teen I gave my best to make it better for everyone around me..idk if I failed or I did good.
When a mother dies, her child is no longer whole. The loss makes it hard to breathe. That child flails in the wind like a cottonwood seed. A piece of fluff that gets knocked about the world by the wind. Sometimes I landed on solid ground, sometimes I landed in a pond and almost drowned. But I’m still here.
I survived.
